Over the course of my race, I have experienced many disappointments and trials. It took a long time for me to understand God wanted to have a real, authentic, personal relationship with me, and this would never be possible until I stopped covering up my broken heart with busyness and came clean before God. But I was afraid to tell God I was mad at Him. What if He got mad at me and decided to punish me with more pain and suffering? I tried to cover up my true feelings by saying and doing what I thought a good Christian should. I was operating under the misguided notion that God didn’t already know what I was hiding.
Several months after walking through the loss of my dad, I realized I wasn’t being honest with friends, family, God, and most of all, myself. Hiding behind “doing” for God instead of just being honest with God is as futile as hiding your real status behind new running clothes. God looks at us from the inside out, not the other way around. I couldn’t cover up my bitterness by going to church. Jesus could see behind my religious cover-up, and He was not impressed. There’s nothing we can do to hide the condition of our hearts from God. Being real before God and submitting to His will is the only thing that will heal our hearts. As Galatians 3:26-27 reminds us, we can shed the costumes & coverups in order to clothe ourselves with Christ.