Man In CrisisSample

Don't Plead - Ask

Groveling and begging are weak. Those weaknesses don’t produce good results. They are pitiful. Grovel before and beseech God, not your wife. He is worthy to be worshipped, not your wife. God will accept your worship. While your wife probably won’t because she sees it as fake. 

Pleading with your wife for another chance sickens her. ‘Now the big strong man shows me his side. His sensitive, hurting soul. I’m not buying it.’ is probably not far from what she’s thinking. It’s also all about you at that point. Your loss, your pain, your misery, your reputation are even more sickening to her. 

Ask her instead for something she wants. Something like, ‘What would you like tomorrow to look like?’ Erase any expectations, anticipations, or desires you have! It’s no longer about you-you had your time. Now, the only thing left is for you to be like Jesus. To sacrifice yourself entirely for someone who rejects you. 

Listen, I mean LISTEN to her answer. Push back all the clap-trap your brain is shouting. ‘If I can just convince her, she’ll stay. And things will be the way they were’. The ‘way they were’ is what got you to this point - you don’t want that - and she doesn’t! 

Once she answers that question, then do your utmost to give it to her. Space - give it to her. Counseling - give it to her. Divorce - maybe not yet but don’t get angry if she asks. There are, of course, limits to what you can agree to but there shouldn’t be many. She’s already gone in heart and mind, keeping her body close probably won’t do much good. (Note: I’m not condoning her decision here. Just acknowledging that it is. And it’s not likely to change soon.)

NONE of what I’ve just said is suggesting that you give up showing her you love her. But, at this point, you have very few options she will receive. Try to remember these things:

Make It About Her. Don’t ask her for anything to meet your needs. Continue to ask her how you can serve her. Then help her in the way Jesus would. Not a half-hearted, I’m begging for mercy, service, but a full-strength, noble, artful sacrifice of your desires to meet hers. 

Let God Meet Your Needs. Again, back to step one. When you are tempted to expect, require, or ask for something from her, remember that she doesn’t have anything left to give. Only God can meet you here. That old cliche about God being enough either has meaning, or it doesn’t. You will be tested to find out. 

Worship God. Whenever you are tempted to beg or plead with her, turn it to worship. Stop yourself and cry out to God. Thank Him. Praise Him. Beg Him. Plead with Him. Adore Him. 

Challenge: Read and Meditate on Psalm 145. The best and most productive way to reset your mind and get your heart back on the right path is to praise God. Psalm 145 will help you do this.