Man In CrisisSample

Don't Pose (Excuse Yourself) - Apologize

Hear me carefully. An apology is most likely the only form of communication that will make your wife sit still. Men have a terrible habit of trying to explain things rather than feel things. In our modern slang, we call it ‘mansplaining.’ It’s irritating enough to people who like you. It’s unbearable to your wife, who no longer likes you.

When the explanation includes making excuses for your behavior, then you light a fuse. That fuse will burn down to ignite the bomb. And that bomb will blow up your world. Making excuses is weak, childish and cowardly.

About apologies: they are only valid when sincere. Don’t apologize if you don’t feel you have a reason. (NOTE: You have plenty of reasons to apologize.) If you can’t see them, you are still lying to yourself. You haven’t spent enough time feeling the pain. Don’t be discouraged though, the suffering will come, and you will be humbled. Then you will see. 

You will be sincere if you see yourself for who you are, a sinner with a deep well of evil that keeps bubbling to the surface. Like Paul confessed to in Romans 7:19 ‘For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.’ If this is how you see yourself, then you will have no trouble apologizing and doing so sincerely.

When your wife tells you how you’ve hurt her - don’t defend. When your wife blames you for all your problems - don’t justify, When your wife only speaks to you in anger - don’t excuse. When your wife disrespects you - don’t condone. When your wife verbally abuses you - don’t justify.

One thing to clarify – if your wife is accusing you of something you don’t feel you’ve done, you can still apologize. Let her know you are sorry for your overall treatment of her. Continue to humble yourself. Serve and love her. Be genuinely sorry as she has to endure so much agony. Always remind yourself of the things below:

There Are No Righteous People. Romans 3:10-12 says, ‘None is righteous, no, not one; No one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.' Without Christ, we are all unrighteous. We are made holy only in Him. We have no excuse, so please don’t make any for yourself. 

Being Humble is Okay. Humility is an immense strength. A man who will humble himself and own up to his failures will receive the honor. The honor may not come from your wife, but it will happen. Many will see the attractiveness of your humility and draw near to you. 

Take Christ’s Burden On You. Jesus said, ’Take my yoke upon you..." What Jesus is asking is that we become gentle and humble like Him. To let suffering happen. It’s not a shame to be lowly. You will find it restful to learn these things from Jesus. 

Challenge: Read and Meditate on Philippians 2:1-18. Absorb the attitudes of Jesus here. What does it mean to empty oneself, humble oneself, and to assume the form of a slave? How can you apply these in your life and toward your wife?