Man In CrisisSample

Don't Pretend - Change

We finished up the last section with a challenge to examine yourself in light of God’s character and His commands to men. What do we do after that? 

After you size yourself up to what God expects, you’ll need to repent for your previous failures to be that man. If you don’t think you need to repent - you are probably in more trouble than you could ever imagine. Why in the world would a good woman want to leave a man who resembles Jesus in care, compassion, patience, and love? You most likely have a lot of repentance to do. 

What is repentance? To repent is to stop doing what you are doing and do the right thing. It’s realizing God’s way of doing things is far above yours. It’s determining to strive for that, instead of settling for your old ways. 

One warning here...If you don't feel convinced to repent, then don't. No one likes a pretender. You might try to convince your wife you’ve repented and changed. She’s not easily fooled. God certainly isn’t. If you are not ready to change, then don’t - but don’t expect anyone else to change either. 

If you have arrived at a place of desperation, humility, and defeat, then you are the only person responsible for making those changes. Understanding that you caused the pain that brought your wife to this point, your repentance will be right. And change will be permanent. And that is very good!

Let me warn you of something at this point – If you are only sorry enough to do something to save your marriage, you are missing the whole point. It is beyond your marriage. It includes God and you. You are out of fellowship with God and until renewing that fellowship is your all-consuming desire, your repentance and change will only be shallow and ineffective. So how do we stop pretending and start changing? 

Renew Your Mind. You have to stop thinking you’ve got it figured out. You have to train yourself out of your old thought patterns and into new ones. Romans 12:2 says, 'Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what the will of God is, what is good and acceptable and perfect.’

Study The Bible: Bible study is the best way to replace old thoughts with new ones. God’s thoughts and not yours. The battle for any behavior starts in the mind. Win there, and your character and actions will follow. 

Create Specific Action Steps. When you find something in the Bible that calls you to change, make a plan. Unless we know how we are going to replace old habits with new, we will fail. Map out how you are going to implement the things God shows you as you study His word. 

Challenge: Read and Meditate on Romans 12. It’s all about how to get along with people. Test yourself against what is there.