Listening Well: A Guide for MenSample

Day 6: Hold the Silence

How do you feel when there is silence in a conversation? Does it feel awkward or uncomfortable? Do you feel a need to fill it with words and conversation? Pay attention to these moments, especially when practicing your skills of good listening.

The person you are with may need a few minutes or moments of silence to process their thoughts and feelings. They may not be used to being listened to and honored in this way, and it might take them some time to adjust to it.

Here’s a secret: Silence doesn’t have to be empty.

When there is silence, this is an opportunity for you to be attuned to the Spirit of God. Many of us talk to God. How many of us really listen to him? During a conversational silence, take a moment to check in with yourself and the Spirit: Where are you feeling their story in your body? What emotions come up? Pictures? Words? Ask the Spirit to help you see what this person needs in that moment.

Allowing there to be silence in a conversation is a way to honor the other person. It gives them time to consider their thoughts and feelings, and it allows what they’ve already shared to form deeper roots—in their heart and ours.

Contrariwise, the need to fill any empty space with words creates a restless environment, where conversation may pinball at any moment, and where a person may not feel safe or welcome to share anything of value out of anticipation that it will go unnoticed. Far from deepening the conversation, this is more likely to shut any meaningful conversation down.

Imagine that you are spending a day at an art museum. Do you speedwalk down the hallway with barely a glance at each display? Of course not! You take your time. You walk slowly, you linger over each piece and allow yourself to notice the nuances in the brushstrokes, the uniqueness of the composition, the emotions that each piece of art stirs in your heart. When we handle conversations in the same way—slowly, allowing silence for words and thoughts to linger—we create an opportunity for richer, deeper, more meaningful engagement.

In this final day of this reading plan, let’s recap the big ideas:

• When we listen well with an attuned heart, we create an environment for healing, displaying the loving presence of God to other people.
• Every person’s story matters to each of us, and to God, and deserves to be honored.
• When we bear witness to each other’s stories, we each feel seen and heard, and less alone.
• The ways we are often accustomed to responding (and used to think most helpful) in listening can actually be harmful and create isolation. Each conversation is an opportunity to engage your whole person with another.
• Asking open-ended questions allows others to continue sharing their story and helps them to feel seen, known, and cared for well.
• Kindly listening to and naming what you observe in another’s story offers a mirror for him/her to see their story with fresh eyes, and permission to feel now what they couldn’t before. It helps bring clarity and is often an important step toward emotional healing.
• Leaning into the silence in the conversation rather than shying away from it creates space for engagement and deeper understanding. In those moments, ask the Spirit to guide both of your hearts and words as you continue.

As a man, you have a tremendous presence in this world. Your words (or your silence) and your presence have weight and significance. By developing a practice of listening well, with kindness and with strength, you will honor the hearts of others and create environments where they can see and experience the love of God and the goodness of His Kingdom.

As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:

Father, what is my relationship with silence? How do I feel in the silence? What might that illuminate about my story?

Jesus, what are ways that I can honor others with their silence? How might my words or my silence invite your Presence?

Spirit, I invite you to speak to my heart in moments of silence. Help me to be attuned to the hearts of others, and to your voice, that I may honor them well and be a light of your Presence to their heart.

If you enjoyed this reading plan, we invite you to continue your journey with Michael Thompson’s The Heart of a Warrior. The Heart of a Warrior | Zoweh