Listening Well: A Guide for MenSample

Day 1: Listening Well Honors Others

One of the unique ways that humans bear God’s image, shared by nothing else in Creation, is our ability to listen to and compassionately move toward the inmost heart of another person. In Romans 12:10, Paul encourages us to honor one another, to be devoted in love. One of the ways that we can honor and love those around us is through listening. The practice of listening well is an act of love and honor in any relationship, and can create a space where deep healing can take place.

Listening well goes beyond merely hearing the words spoken by another person. In the 2009 film Avatar, the indigenous Na’vi people have an expression: Oel ngati kameie, meaning I see you. The human protagonist must learn that “It’s not ‘I’m seeing you in front of me,’ it’s ‘I see into you, I see you, I understand you.” The difference between listening to and merely hearing another person’s words is similar. When we listen well, we recognize a person’s heart within or behind their words, and honor them—joining them in their story, weeping as they weep, sharing their joy, seeking to understand.

We each have a deep longing to be heard, understood, and still found desirable. And we each have a story that is uniquely our own that is worthy of good, wise, and kind engagement. Sadly, most of us are probably more familiar with being misunderstood or downright ignored than genuinely being heard. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone when it dawns on you that the other person doesn’t seem to understand—or even care—what you are saying? Or, have you ever started sharing about something going on in your life, maybe with your small group, only to have another guy take over the story and make it all about himself? Doesn’t feel good, does it? And, if you’re like me, you’ve experienced those moments both as the receiver and, regrettably, as the perpetrator.

Yet, how incredible when we share our stories with someone who listens and engages with compassion and empathy! This experience goes a long way toward redeeming painful, fragmented experiences and developing new, healthy, and whole stories—regardless of what we have experienced. When we tell our stories, including the fullness of brokenness and blessing, pain and joy, to a caring person, we are literally experiencing the presence of the Kingdom of God. It can lead us to a deeper understanding of others AND ourselves, interrupting entrenched, unhealthy, harmful patterns, and helping us to greater healing and life!

Listening is one of the most remarkable skills a man can ever develop. It helps to create an environment in which another person feels heard, understood, known, cared for … loved. And when practiced by a man as a husband, or a father, or a leader, or a friend, good listening cultivates a sacred and brave space for others to experience God’s heart toward them. This is the invitation of listening: you have the opportunity to partner with our Trinity God: Abba Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit to honor, love, and encourage the hearts around you. This is one of the most powerful ways for a man to display the Kingdom and heart of God, here and now.

As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:

Father, where in my story have I felt honored by being listened to and engaged well? How can my experience inform how I can show honor and care for those around me?

Jesus, how might listening well display the light and presence of your Kingdom to those around me?

Holy Spirit, how are you around me and in me, present in every moment and every breath? How do you see me—and how do you see into my heart with compassion?