Achieving Awesome Communication in MarriageSample

Communication Breakdown #4: Scorekeeping and Getting Stuck in the Past

Bringing up the past and scorekeeping are two communication breakdowns that go hand in hand. You can’t keep dwelling on the past and rehashing what happened there. Better use of your time is to figure out what needs to change for next time. Focus on the now and the future.

After all, God has already forgiven us, and he asks us to forgive each other because of the abounding mercy he has shown us. We can forgive each other because he first forgave us.

Scorekeeping is another way of holding onto the past. Remember, you two are on the same team. Holding onto your spouse’s past mistakes and sins is a damaging strategy when it comes to your marriage.

God has placed the two of you together, and you have entered into a covenant with each other and, more importantly, with God. Honor that covenant by refusing to keep score. You are on the same team. Holding your spouse as if their score is against you is operating as if you weren’t on the same team. Instead, outdo each other in honor by choosing to forgive freely and serve each other daily.

Challenge: Decide together today to forgive each other for all the past issues. Decide that when you have conflict, you will focus on the here and now without bringing up baggage from the past.

Talk to each other about bringing up the past and scorekeeping as breakdowns in communication. Pray and ask God to help you with any unforgiveness. Pray and ask God to help you overcome this communication breakdown.

APPLICATION QUESTIONS:

What happens when you focus too much on the past as opposed to dealing with the issue at hand? How does this harm your communication?

What can you do next time there is a conflict to make sure you focus on the problem at hand and not the past baggage?

Are there any past issues that you are truly struggling to forgive? What can you do to move past them? Do you need counseling to resolve this?

What has been your biggest takeaway from this Bible reading plan?

What three things can you commit to doing to work towards awesome communication in your marriage?

Pray and ask God to help you communicate with love, kindness, and understanding in your marriage.

RESOURCES

Join Dr. Kim for the “7 Communication Mistakes Couples Make in Marriage” webinar.

Whether you’re dealing with major miscommunication or if your marriage communication could just use a few helpful tips, this 45-minute pre-recorded class will teach you how to avoid the most common communication mistakes couples make in marriage. Don’t let miscommunication, unresolved conflict, unhealed hurt, or hard conversations stop you from having awesome communication in your marriage.