Achieving Awesome Communication in MarriageSample

The Way Of Your Words

The Bible tells us that our words are powerful. It’s not just our words that hold power, it’s how we say them. The way we say what we say has a major impact on who we are speaking to. 

Most experts agree that 70-93% of communication is nonverbal. If nonverbal communication is 70% or more of how we communicate, we want to make sure we strive to be loving in that communication towards our spouse. 

One of the problems with our nonverbal communication is our core problem overall: we are sinful and stiff-necked people. We don’t see our own sin and unkindness. We think we are sweeter than we are. We don’t recognize our own harshness. 

How often has your spouse pointed out your unkind tone only for you to argue with them about how you spoke? Surely I am not the only one guilty of this!

One way to grow in love in your nonverbal communication is to give each other permission. Give each other permission to talk to each other about your nonverbal communication and seek to understand each other instead of succumbing to miscommunication. Say no to the “no I didn’t'' argument and decide together today that you will listen to your spouse. If your spouse hears something negative in your nonverbal communication, it IS there. Whether it’s intentional or not, it’s what they perceive and it needs to be addressed. So give them permission to do that from here on out. 

Because here is what I know: You are a sinner. You love your spouse. (You probably wouldn’t be doing a marriage Bible reading plan if you didn’t). If you love your spouse and want to love them with your words and how you say your words then it’s going to take you listening to them about your nonverbal communication without being defensive. 

Here is how I recommend these conversations go: If you perceive mean, hateful, or confusing nonverbal communication from your spouse, seek to understand. Tell your spouse “I hear you saying ______ with your words but in your body language I hear _______. Can you help me understand?”

Challenge: Today give each other permission to talk to each other about your nonverbal communication moving forward. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or be dishonest about what your nonverbals are saying. 

APPLICATION QUESTIONS:

What does it look like to be loving in your tone of voice with your spouse?

What does it look like to be loving in your facial expressions with your spouse?

What does it look like to be loving in your body posture with your spouse?

When your spouse has pointed out your nonverbal communication in the past were you defensive?

How can you grow in not being defensive when your spouse points out something that hurt or confused them?

If you are going to give each other permission to talk about your nonverbal communication with each other, what do you need from each other in order to make these conversations go well? Talk with your spouse about what these conversations can look like.