Achieving Awesome Communication in MarriageSample

Communication Breakdown #2: Superlatives and Strong Language

Speaking in superlatives is a great way to irritate your spouse and shut down their ability to communicate well with you. Things like: “you always,” “you never,” or “every time.” Language like this is not effective.

No one does anything “always” or “never" except for God! God is the only one about whom superlatives are actually true: God is always just. God is always loving. God never changes. God has always been. 

We cannot say “always” or “never” about another human being because no one is like God. 

Using these vast dramatic statements with our spouse is harmful and sets your spouse in a defensive position, making it hard for them to hear you and communicate well. Today, think about whether or not this is an issue in your marriage and how to break the cycle if it is. 

Challenge: Talk to each other about superlatives as a breakdown in communication. First, repent and apologize if you know this has been an issue for you. Tell your spouse you're sorry that you’ve been using this language and that you want to try and stop. 

Pray and ask God to help you overcome this communication breakdown. 

APPLICATION QUESTIONS: 

How does knowing God is the only one who we can say “always” and “never” about lead you to worship him? 

What are other ways God is different from us? Meditate on and worship Him for these amazing truths. He is good and worthy of our praise! 

Ask yourself: Is using superlatives and strong language an issue for me in my marriage? Confess where you have been using superlatives unfairly. Give each other the opportunity to confess your own mistake before pointing it out to each other. 

What happens when you use superlatives in your marriage? How does it harm your communication? 

What can you do to overcome this? 

The next time one of you uses this language, how can you lovingly correct each other and move forward as a team?