Achieving Awesome Communication in Marriage


Is Your Small Daily Communication Leading To Life Or Death? 

My dear friend Nils Smith says, “Small talk is big talk.” What he means by that is that small talk is a big deal because it has a big impact. You can’t have relationships without small talk. It’s those small moments and conversations that build a relationship. 

I used to hate small talk until he helped me understand this. He is right: it takes small talk to get to deep talk. You can’t get to the bottom of the ocean without first plunging into the surface of the water. 

Not only is small talk big because it builds your relationship, but it’s also the most consistent form of communication you have. It’s the small daily communication that’s most frequent in your marriage.

God doesn’t just call us into big, wild leaps of faith, he also calls us to small, simple, faithful, daily acts of obedience. 

One small, simple, daily act of obedience is using your words wisely with your spouse. It’s not always easy, but it is simple. 

Does your default language with your spouse bring life or death? Are you careful and prayerful about your words to your spouse? What kind of culture are your words building in your home and in your marriage? 

Challenge: Sit down and think about your daily communication with your spouse. Prayerfully reflect and think through this: How often do you communicate with your spouse? Through what means? Are your words kind? Is your tone kind? Are you being intentional about your small daily communications with your spouse? 

Your daily touchpoints and small communications with your spouse are important. Overlooking these can easily lead us down the path of poor communication and poor connection. 

The Bible is clear that our words, though small, have a big impact. So let’s use that mighty impact for good in our marriage. Let’s use our words to bring life into our marriage. 


What are some ways that you may “bring death” with your words to your spouse? Ask God to help you control your tongue and avoid language that tears your spouse down. 

Ask your spouse what kinds of things tear them down and how you can grow in this area in your marriage. 

What are some practical ways you can “bring life” to your spouse with your words?

Ask your spouse what kinds of things they love to hear you say to them. 

What is one thing you can do to improve your daily communication with your spouse?