If Romans is our field guide to grace, it’s easy to see how folks can get tangled up in it. This same book that lays out the beauty of God in such radical ways also has plenty to say about the wrath of God.
The wrath of God is not emotional, petty, or punitive. It has nothing to do with “rage.” Rather, the wrath of God, in Romans, is bound up in the natural consequences of certain kinds of choices. God’s primary job is not to go around making sure everybody gets what they deserve— in fact, God is constantly interrupting the natural cycle of cause and effect with grace!
Nevertheless we get to choose the kind of life we want and the kind of world we want to live in. As much as God is committed to seek and save that which is lost, God is also passionate about preserving human freedom—He won’t drag anybody into some kind of eternal bliss without their consent. If we want to choose selfishness over love for God and for our neighbors, inevitably choosing the type of life that brings violence and division to the world for which Christ died (rather than healing), we are given that option.