Boundaries Are Our Friends

Everyone talks about the very real need for boundaries. But no one talks about how placing them feels wrong, even though it’s not.

If you’re a Christian like me, you want to be gracious with folks, generally speaking. Having said that, if someone is continually behaving in an ugly, demanding, belittling, rude, manipulative, or otherwise toxic way, like regularly tearing you down rather than building you up or making less of you to make more of herself, that is not okay. Be a good friend to yourself and accept that at worst, it’s likely this person isn’t really a friend of yours. At best, you need a boundary between her and you.

When Jesus lived on this earth, He gave of Himself in more ways than the pages of the Bible could even tell. He preached and taught, held and healed others. And yet, He didn’t give unlimited access of Himself to everyone at each and every moment of every day. He placed boundaries between Himself and people. While Jesus, at the proper time, did submit to the cross in obedience to His Father’s plans, Scripture details those times when Christ purposefully removed Himself from those meaning to do him harm.

What’s more, Jesus was intentional about those He chose to be His disciples (Mark 3:13–14).“He didn’t simply stand outside the city gate and holler, “MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! I need some fellas to serve with Me through My ministry. The first twelve who let Me know they’re interested will be picked!”

No. He thoughtfully and intentionally chose who would fulfill this important ministry role in His life.

If Jesus actively chose who was around Him each day, this means He also chose who wasn’t. Therefore, we can choose who we are and aren’t around every day too.

Here’s to having hearts that wisely discern when we need to give grace to someone and when we need to build a boundary between us and them. If you’re consistently in the crosshairs of another’s harmful, toxic behavior, here’s to giving boundaries the benefit of the doubt instead of another’s poor behavior. Boundaries are our friends.

Pray:

Jesus, thank you for showing us boundaries in action. Please lead me in wisdom and discernment so I can choose friends with purpose and set boundaries where I need to.

Was this plan helpful? We adapted this plan from Desperate Woman Seeks Friends: Real Talk About Connection, Rejection, and Trying Again for the Friendships You Need by Kristen Strong. Check it out for more.