3 Questions Every Son Needs AnsweredSample

Will You Fight for Me?

The next question we'll focus on is, "Will You Fight for Me?"

This question is interesting because most of us think about young boys wrestling and even fighting among themselves to exhibit their dominance and strength. So, wondering if we will fight for them can seem odd because they already fight for themselves.

Men aren't born with strength, they develop it over time. From my experience in both men's ministry and family ministry, not to mention parenting my own children, I have learned that for many years in a young man's life, especially during the formative years, he is seeking opportunities to test his strength. Young men are willing to try new things. They are eager to test their limits. They are willing to put themselves in situations where they might fail. But, most often, they are only willing to take these risks if they know somebody has their back.

In the youngest years, you can be there to catch your son when he falls. However, as he develops his independence and inner strength, we, as parents, should allow him to take risks and carry more responsibility. Along with the responsibility of those decisions also comes consequences, some good, some bad. While the consequences of decisions are proportionate to the risk our sons take, you can communicate to your son that you will fight for him. He isn't alone in the challenge. While you might not be able to remove the consequences, you can help encourage him and, in some cases, carry the burden.

This tells your son that you will fight for him.

Leaving this question unanswered or communicating it poorly creates a cocktail of emotions challenging to disentangle. Some boys feel abandoned, like they're all alone. They give up on everything and lose sight of goals and dreams because nobody is there to support them. Others can pack on the world's weight, trying to lift everything under their own strength and create a false sense of independence, not needing anybody. This results in isolation and, eventually, vulnerability. Still, I see others who want to prove that they don't need anybody to fight for them, so they take unhealthy risks, seek conflict, and put themselves in dangerous or unnecessary situations.

We, as parents, have to be prepared to support them in the trials and challenges that life brings. Remember, men tend to run towards areas where they feel strong and retreat from areas where they feel weak. That doesn't change for young boys; the stakes are lower. I believe sons are more likely to take healthy risks and venture into new areas, knowing that we, as a family, are prepared to fight for them if they fail.

What would that look like in your family? Would it look like stepping in or making a call if they are getting mistreated on a team? Would it be communicating how proud you are of him? What about when he tries something new, especially if it doesn't go well at first, or ever? It could be communicating that your love or support for them doesn't depend on their performance. It could be offering advice during a new and uncertain situation or showing them how to seek help.

Keep in mind that there is a difference between supporting and enabling.

Support communicates, "I'm with you, no matter what. We'll do this together."

Enabling communicates, "I'll save you, no matter what. You won't face the consequences."

In Psalm 91, the author desires the Lord to fight for him. He describes our God's strength and faithfulness, and He responds. "'Because he loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.'" Consider God's words in Isaiah, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." The Lord demonstrates that He will fight for you. It is clear that He wants to answer that question for us, and you can step in and communicate to your son that you will fight for him.

Reflection:

How are you communicating to your son that you are willing to fight for him?

What has support looked like in the past?

How can you better communicate that you will fight for him going forward?