3 Questions Every Son Needs AnsweredSample

Am I Important to You?

The first question we will address is, "Am I Important to You?"

Think of young boys trying something new and looking to their families to see everybody's reaction. Is Dad watching? Is Mom watching? Aunts or uncles, siblings, or cousins? From my experience, I believe this question can come out in many different ways; "Are you proud of me?" or, as John Eldredge says, "Am I the apple of your eye?"

Ultimately, our sons want to know how they rank in our lives. Are they a priority? Do we think of them often? Do we see them as talented, special, fun, and unique? They long to know they are valued, and we are responsible for communicating that to them, beginning in the family.

While young boys often seek the answer to this question through physical activities like running, jumping, and throwing, as they grow older, the context surrounding the question changes. The teenage years can bring organized sports, academics, or artistic and musical talents. In young adulthood, it often emerges through purchases like cars, electronics, and homes. Fast forward to careers, finances, vacations, connections, and more. I believe it is written on the heart of every man, as evidenced in Psalm 17:8 when the author writes, "keep me as the apple of your eye." He wants to be important.

If this question is left unanswered, or worse yet, if we communicate that our sons aren't important to us, then it doesn't matter what they attempt to fill the void with; it will never fill it.

Jesus' Heavenly Father answered this question when he rose from the Jordan River, "This is my Son, of whom I am well pleased." This was spoken over him before Jesus truly began his ministry, which means the pleasing is rooted in identity and personhood, not performance.

What are we doing to communicate to our sons that they are important to us, not because of what they've done, what they own, where they go, but because of who they are?

We must answer this question for our sons, young and old. Yes, you are so important to me!

One of the greatest lessons I've learned in my years of family ministry is that All Families Are Different! Who knew, right? That means there is no one-size-fits-all answer for everybody when telling your son they are essential. It's going to take some initiative and effort on your part.

Of course, one of the most significant ways to communicate this is to be incredibly intentional with our words. I encourage you not to dance around the subject or indirectly tell your son that he is important. It is human nature to interpret silence as rejection and criticism. Very rarely do any of us fill a lack of communication with internal encouragement and self-assurance. That means we must be purposeful and straightforward with our speech and leave no space for doubt about how important he is. I encourage you to be the family member who doesn't hold back a compliment and isn't slow to congratulate your son. Paul commands us in Ephesians to let no unwholesome speech come from our mouths. Let's be focused on that.

Perhaps time is the best way to demonstrate to your son that he is important. I have a daily calendar, and one of my favorite days says, "Children spell love, T-I-M-E." I think it's so true! Show your son he is important by making time with him a priority.

Eye contact is one of the simplest yet most effective ways to communicate your son's importance. That means you must put down your phone or turn away from what you're doing and look at him when he speaks. (I'm only kind of joking.) Think how many meaningful interactions fall flat because we, as parents, are distracted by something on a screen.

These are only a few ideas on answering one of the most important questions your son seeks to get answered, whether he ever verbalizes it or not. How you determine to answer that question for him is up to you. But the truth is, he needs you, and he needs to know how much he means to you. Don't miss the opportunity.

There is hope if you have missed some opportunities to communicate positively or have communicated that your son isn't important. Your son is not too old, regardless of his age, to have an honest conversation and ask for forgiveness. Our God is a merciful Lord, and I believe He has built forgiveness and mercy into our hearts. Honestly, I've seen men in their fifties and sixties cry because their fathers asked for forgiveness after decades of neglect. I'm not brushing those things under the rug; I want to emphasize that there is no time too late to answer this question.

Don't think you've missed it. The best time to take action is today.

Reflection:

How can you communicate to your son how important he is to you?

What are some ways you've missed previous opportunities to answer this question? What did you prioritize in front of him? How can you ask for forgiveness?