I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me
You’re right, you knew better. You told God that you’d never do it again. Whatever “it” is. But you’re wrong if you think that God has run out of love for you. Many times people tell us “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”. And that’s where we think the work should start.
What is it that makes us go out of control? What is it that makes us cling to things that makes us feel far away from God? Some of us don’t even know how it feels to be close to God, because this never felt realistic.
It is the spirit of lust.
Lust will make you believe that you are an enemy of God. It’ll make you believe that you don't have a place in His Kingdom. It wants you to accept the lie that God does not love you, so what you do to yourself, what you allow, and what you entertain, doesn’t matter. The spirit of lust will question everything that God has instructs you to do, making you believe God is trying to restrict you instead of protect you.
Just as he did in the garden of Eden.
The spirit of lust knows that if it can alter your vision and readjust how you see yourself, then it can control how you behave. One of lusts biggest fears is for your eyes to open and for you to see why God gives us instructions to protect our soul from damage and bondage that come with sin. There’s a saying that goes “the devil won’t pay you much mind when you’re living in sin, but he will give you all of his attention when you’re trying to get out”. It’s not weird that when you decided to pursue purity, you all of a sudden felt extreme desires for things that feed lust.
The moment you thought about giving God a chance, you got the enemy’s full attention. But fear not, because Christ is a better Savior than lust is a savage.