CREATE A NEW NORMAL
Author Thomas Wolfe became famous for telling the world that You Can’t Go Home Again. In an excerpt from his novel by the same name he says, “[Death is] to lose the earth you know for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth.” In those few words, whether he knew it or not, Wolfe was setting forth the biblical concept of resurrection. The world may be broken and fallen, but hope does not lie in the direction of an imaginary return to the Garden. The only way out of the human dilemma is forward — through the darkness of death and defeat and out into the light of a brand-new day.
Here at Focus on the Family we hear from couples every day whose marriages have been rocked by adversity. Many have endured an affair. Others have suffered from abuse or addiction. But the common thread running through all these scenarios is the challenge of reconciling when your relationship has been torn in two.
If you’re facing that kind of challenge, don’t forget about the resurrection principle. Ultimately, it’s the only way out of your difficulties. Troubled couples who don’t understand this often fall into the trap of trying to recapture the feelings they had for one another back in the “good old days,” before everything went wrong. It seems reasonable. In the face of conflict, people tend to gravitate backward toward something familiar and predictable.
But that can actually complicate the healing process. It’s like moving back into the home where you grew up as a child. Certain things will be familiar, but it will never feel exactly like it did when you were a kid. You’re older and see the world through different eyes now.
In the same way, there’s no way to go back to the time before your marriage nearly collapsed. Instead, the best plan is to get beyond it by directing your energy toward creating a “new normal.” Rather than sweeping problems under a rug and pretending they never happened, learn to heal the wounds and create a new life. It can be tough to face the pain, but you’ll come out stronger on the other side if you try. And the Good News is that, with God’s help, you can do it through faith in Jesus Christ; for as the apostle Paul assures us, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s website, or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).