True North: LIVE Free In Marriage


Now that you understand God’s fundamental plan for marriage and you have the top five marriage “must-haves,” all that is left are a few words of wisdom. These are some of the most common issues we have experienced in our own marriage and in the hundreds of couples that we have worked with.

First, are you a reactor or a processor? A reactor is quick to speak and will often spew lava (harsh words), but then almost instantly feels better. The processor will sit back and want to process what is being shared before speaking. Here is the problem with both: a reactor is looking for a reaction and will push a processor way past processing to the point where the processor will snap and lash out. On the other hand, a processor will often “self-process” an issue, and out of fear of confrontation never come back to the reactor for resolution.

So while the reactor is advancing, the processor is retreating. This is a vicious cycle. The reactor needs to “one-time” share their issue and then allow the processor time and space to process. But then the processor has to initiate the follow-up conversation to seek resolution.

The second is God’s order. What does that mean? Simply that there is a clear hierarchy in God’s order for the family. We have had numerous couples tell us that their reason for doing something was because of their children. Of course, we are called to guide, protect, and love our kids, but they are third in God’s order. To be a good mother or father, you have to first be a good husband or wife.

Marriage is a picture of Jesus loving us, His bride, and marriage does not work without the fruits of the Spirit. We are modeling Jesus to our children through our marriage. So to be a good mother or father, you have to first be a good husband or wife. But in order to be a good husband or wife, you have to first be a good son or daughter to our Heavenly Father.

Making sure your relationship with Jesus is on point is the best thing you can do for your spouse and your kids. Get some spiritual healing individually at events like Basecamp for men or Changed for women. ( or These are life-changing weekends that will first make you a better son or daughter to our Heavenly Father so that you will become a better spouse and a better parent.

Lastly, find some good counseling. These days, with video counseling and teleconferencing, you can counsel anyone around the world. Feel free to reach out to True North for recommendations or suggestions on how to identify a good Christian counselor.

Now take some time and ask God: “What do You want me to focus on first? What point in this devotion is my first step? What is my next step?”

About the Author-

We want to thank Trey Dixon, the Executive Director of True North Ministries for writing this plan. Trey has been married for 20+ years and is also a licensed pastoral counselor who has worked with countless couples to help restore broken and struggling marriages.

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