“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”
—Matthew 7:7-8 ESV
When Jesus urged his followers to ask, seek, and knock, he was saying the only way to have something is to first ask for it.
To have, we need to ask. If we don’t ask, we don’t have. That’s the clear teaching of the Bible.
It’s true in our marriages, too. In order to learn about our wives, we husbands need to ask them questions. For example, try to understand your wife’s past and how it influences her present. Ask her opinion about issues of the day. Ask how she arrived at those conclusions. What books or blogs is she presently reading? Who has she found particularly compelling? Who is influencing her thinking?
Then share with her some of the issues you’re struggling with. It may be a difficult relationship or a problem at work. Or it may be an issue in local or world affairs. Ask her opinion. “What do you think I should do about this? How would you handle it? Do you have any insights that could help me?” She may not know the answer. She may not even be able to completely understand your problem. But she’ll deeply and sincerely appreciate the fact that you asked. Indeed, she’ll feel honored that you respected her opinion enough to ask.
Be sure to ask her what things you do that she likes. Then ask her what you do that she doesn’t like. Get clarity if you need it. Find out the ways you embarrass and encourage her. Find out what she admires and doesn’t admire. Ask for specifics. If you don’t understand, ask again for more information and clarity.
Now that you’ve asked and listened, it might be helpful to make a list. That’s right—a list. If God knew the importance of writing down information and making lists, how much more should we husbands? To the prophet Habakkuk, he said, “‛Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it’” (Habakkuk 2:2).
Write down what you do that she loves, then write down what you do that she hates. Write down her favorites and least favorites, sweet memories, and hard times. This list will grow throughout your years of marriage and will serve as a blessing to both of you as you draw from it to love your wife well.
Want to learn more ways to honor your wife? Download David Chadwick's free chapter of Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife .