Leading With Love and Authority: Balancing Grace and Truth as You Lead Your Children Toward ChristSample

Loving with Wisdom and Patience

I recently saw a post of a father celebrating—with great exuberance—his 16-year-old son's success. Jumping up and down, following his son around the house, he shouted, “He did it! He did it! It’s been 16 years! My son took the trash out without me asking! I came home, and the trash had been taken out!”

We all know this drill. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. How many times have you given the same instruction, only to feel like you’re living your own personal Groundhog Day? Training takes time—and it requires the trainee to have a willing and open heart to follow.

Was this father excited because his son took the trash out? Of course not. He was thrilled because he had persisted through years of rolled eyes, ignored requests, tense conversations, dismissed responsibilities, and enforced consequences. And now—finally—there was evidence that his consistency had shaped his son’s heart and actions.

When something takes 16 years to take root, you know there were moments of frustration, impatience, and anger.

So, how do we, as parents, lead, disciple, and correct with wisdom instead of anger?

First, we must recognize the difference between a reaction and a response.

Reaction is impulsive. Responsiveness is an answer.

Impulsivity is emotional, not thoughtful.

Think of it this way: your buttons just got pushed, and now you’re going to push back! When a parent reacts, the child is suddenly in the driver’s seat—because the parent has followed the child down an emotional rabbit hole.

Your other option is to respond, which requires a pause.

Giving an answer means you must take the time to consider the situation, reflect on consequences, ask thoughtful questions, and make a wise decision before speaking. Reaction robs you of the opportunity to respond.

Instead of focusing on your buttons being pushed, picture yourself on a porch swing on a quiet, cool fall day. When your son “forgets” the trash for the fourth time this week, imagine yourself gently swinging back and forth—calm, steady, relaxed—as you prepare your response.

A reaction might change behavior in the moment. But careful consideration gives you the opportunity to shape your child’s heart. The aim is not short-term behavior change but instead long-term character development.

Slow and steady will win the race.

Reflection:

How can you stay emotionally grounded when your child pushes your limits? What would it look like to invite the Holy Spirit into those moments?

Written by Suzanne Phillips