Reflections From EphesiansSample

Today’s reflection will be a little shorter than normal, but that doesn’t mean it is any less important.

In today’s verses, Paul, speaking in the voice of the culture of his day, utilised what was known as Household codes, when speaking of domestic relationships: married men and women, and their children, and household servants. These codes were the means an orderly society was to maintain its strength and cohesion. In some ways, what the apostle said wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but what makes what he said extraordinary was the way he applied Christlikeness to normal domestic behaviour.

Whilst it was culturally common - women were to be subject to their husbands (not all men) - it was unheard of to ask men to love their wives, and not just love them, but to love them as Christ loved the church - sacrificially, as their own bodies - “for no one ever hates his own body.” Paul imports this amazing love demand into the structure of the household codes common to the Roman world. He wasn’t trying to subvert the social order so much, but he certainly ramped up the demands to reflect a new ethic, a new way of relating. If a man were to love in this way, it would be a natural outcome that “a wife would respect her husband,” not because it was demanded, but because it was reflexive.

I am attending a church that has been addressing relationships, especially those of married couples. Reflecting Paul’s words in Ephesians, we were told that the main love needs of a husband and wife are quite different. Men seem to thrive on respect (Verse 33) and women on being shown self-giving love (Verses 25-29). My observation is that this is generally correct. This doesn’t mean that women don’t care about respect, nor men about self-giving love, but it does address the main theme in the relational needs of husbands and wives. If husbands acted like Christ, respect would hardly need to be asked for, if mentioned at all. When respect is demanded, it isn’t genuine respect that is shown.

Although there is much more that could and should be said about today’s verses, I trust focussing on one aspect of these verses opens your understanding: men aren’t to dominate women using scripture to back up their heavy-handed approach to relationships. They are to love as Christ loved his church. This will naturally engender respect from wives; it won't be obligatory.