Covenant Love: Nurturing Your Marriage God's WaySample

Active and Attentive Listening

Key Verse:

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” - Proverbs 18:13

Reading:

When you are focusing on listening, isn't one of your first thoughts: "Don't interrupt"? This means that you are very aware not to be talking and are paying attention to what the speaker is saying. always let them finish his or her statement before trying to reply. That's very, very important when it comes to hearing out your spouse during conflict.

One way you can show your spouse that you are truly listening is by asking questions. When you are asking questions, not only is it causing you to have to truly listen and reflect on their words, but it also assures your partner that you are present in the conversation and hearing them. However, don't ask too many questions because then it can feel to your spouse that you're attacking them or downplaying their feelings. I believe three to six questions is a safe range. This is something to ask the Lord for guidance over. Now, if you feel the question is causing a bit more tension, then this is a statement that could be used: "Tell me more". That will still show that you want to have an attentive listening style and will let your spouse feel that you care about what they are saying. Also, please try to give some acknowledgements from time to time, such as aha, yes, and, I understand. You can even start to summarize with your own words and what you understand.

Attentive and active listening isn't all about your verbal responses, but it's also communicated heavily through body language. Great body language is keeping eye contact, facing your spouse, and watching them in the eye. This will help your spouse to feel appreciated and respected. A big no is using your cell phone. This will cause you to seem detached and inconsiderate, causing your partner to distance themselves or feel angry or hurt. Body language's impact on conflict has a much bigger impact than you realize because of your brain. The left side of your brain has to do with linear thinking, which analyzes detailed information and solves problems. This side is associated with feelings of calm, contentment, and safety. However, the right side has more neurons connected to your body, so in this case, when you have gut feelings, it is your use of the right side. This side works quicker than the left, and it pays attention to nonverbal communication. That means that the problem might not be anything you say, but rather an expression. It could be a tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, hand gestures; it's all highly important. These nonverbal factors may matter much more than any particular words that you say.

So, if you want to resolve the conflict with some attentive listening, please think about how you're coming across that verbally. To go the extra step, you could be intentional about controlling your expressions, like softening your face, looking at them with more care in your eyes, and refraining from showing tension in your face.

Reflection:

Listening Ears: Are you intentional about listening to what your spouse has to say? How can you listen more actively and attentively?

Body Language: Do you control your body language during conflict? How do you think your body language comes across to your spouse?

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, grant me the patience and wisdom to listen actively and attentively. Help me to put aside my thoughts and responses to truly hear and understand others. Teach me to use my words and actions to build connections and resolve conflicts with grace. Guide me to be slow to speak and quick to listen, reflecting Your love and compassion in all my interactions. In Jesus' name, Amen.