Shattered, Still ChosenSample

The Weight of Shame

“How could I get rid of my shame and disgrace?”

These were Tamar’s words after being violated by her half-brother. Her voice trembled with the weight of what had just been taken from her. And I can’t help but hear the echo of that same question in the hearts of so many women, including myself.

"God, how do I move forward after this?"

"Will I ever feel whole again?"

"What’s wrong with me?"

When I began to confront my past abuse, it wasn’t just the memories that haunted me—it was the shame.

A shame so heavy it sank into my bones.

A shame that convinced me I was the problem.

A shame that made me believe I had to earn love… or settle for pain.

I was grieving what had happened, but I was also grieving what it had stolen—my sense of safety, my joy, my openness, and most painfully, my sense of worth.

Brené Brown once said:

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

And that’s exactly what trauma can do to you.

When we’ve been abused, especially as children or young women, it’s not uncommon to internalize what someone else did and make it about ourselves. We begin to believe lies like:

• “I’m dirty.”
• “I should’ve known better.”
• “It must’ve been my fault.”
• “No one could truly love me if they knew.”

And then, we carry those lies into marriage.

Shame doesn’t just live in our minds. It lives in our bodies, in our relationships, in the way we flinch when someone reaches for us, or retreat when love feels too vulnerable.
It affects how we see ourselves—and how we receive our husband’s love.

Even when they are gentle.

Even when they are kind.

Even when they are safe.

It can be hard to receive intimacy when shame has convinced you that you don’t deserve it.

But Friend, let me speak this over you today:

What happened to you was not your fault.

Your body is not broken.

Your story is not shameful.

You are not unworthy.

God never called you by your shame—He calls you by your name.

Isaiah 61:7 says,“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance…”

You don’t have to carry what was never yours to hold.

Reflection:
Have you been carrying shame that doesn’t belong to you? How has it impacted the way you see yourself or receive love from others?

Prayer:
Father, I’ve believed lies about myself for far too long. I’ve let shame tell me who I am. But today, I bring it all to You. I want to see myself through Your eyes—whole, worthy, and deeply loved. Help me release the disgrace and cling to the grace You offer instead. Amen.