Shattered, Still ChosenSample

This devotional contains honest reflections on childhood sexual abuse and the emotional impact of trauma in marriage. If you’ve experienced abuse or are in the process of healing, please take care as you read. Give yourself permission to pause, pray, or seek support if needed. You are not alone, and you are deeply loved.

When the Past Finds You

Are you silently suffering in your marriage, and you don’t even know why?

You walked down the aisle full of love, joy, and hope. You had dreams of building a beautiful life together. But somewhere along the way, things shifted. You began to pull away. You didn’t laugh like you used to. Touch made you tense. Intimacy felt more like pressure than connection.

And maybe, like me, you wondered...

“What happened to the woman I used to be?”

After my wedding, my past started seeping into my present in ways I couldn’t control. I began having nightmares where I was fighting for my life. I couldn’t explain the anxiety I felt. I flinched at affection, and my joy faded into silence. Where I was once fun, playful, and openhearted, I became guarded, reactive, and confused.

Eventually, I said yes to counseling.

That decision changed everything. Because it was there that I uncovered a truth I had never spoken aloud:

I had been sexually abused as a child.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t even know how to process it. For a while, it felt like everything was falling apart. But in reality, God was beginning to put the pieces back together.

Tamar, a woman in the Bible, also knew what it felt like to be taken advantage of by someone who should have protected her.

Her half-brother, Amnon, claimed to love her. But what he did wasn’t love—it was lust, control, and violence. Tamar cried out. She resisted. She tried to reason with him. But he took what he wanted and discarded her when he was done.

Scripture says, “Tamar lived a desolate life in her brother Absalom’s house” (2 Samuel 13:20).

Her voice was silenced.

Her pain was dismissed.

And her trauma lingered over the years.

But, Friend, hear this:

Your story doesn’t have to end the way Tamar’s did.

You don’t have to live desolate.

You don’t have to stay stuck in shame or pain.

You don’t have to keep pretending everything is okay.

There is healing on the other side of honesty.

There is peace on the other side of pain.

And there is a God who sees everything—even the things you haven’t been able to say out loud.

You are not too broken.

You are not too late.

And you are not alone.

Reflection:
What part of your past might still be speaking into your present? Have you created space for God to help you process it with honesty, support, and grace?

Prayer:
Father, I don’t want to carry this silently anymore. You know what happened—even the things I haven’t fully remembered or understood. Help me be brave enough to face the truth, and gentle enough with myself to receive Your healing. Lead me toward restoration. I trust You to walk with me through it. Amen.