Acts 15:22-41 | Church HurtSample

People love to hate the church. It’s not just non-Christians. It’s fashionable among Christians too. Disappointed with the church, angry with the church, hurt by the church… They’re common complaints. Sometimes they’re legitimate. More often, they stem from our own false expectations. And sometimes, it’s even of our own making.

Think of all the ways people set themselves up for church hurt through false expectations.

Some people imagine church as an idealized, storybook kindergarten where everybody gets along. When reality doesn’t match that expectation, they find themselves cold-cocked by an unrealized fantasy that God never promised.

Others have a distorted view of conflict. They think conflict is inherently bad, so they avoid it at all costs. They don’t realize that conflict is inevitable in any meaningful relationship, even healthy. They don’t realize that the issue isn’t conflict, but how conflict is handled. So when conflict is experienced, they’re shaken, which leads to anger or pain.

Others think church will solve all their problems. It can’t. And when it doesn’t, it hurts. Like Jesus says in his parable, “Like seed sown on rocky places, [some] hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away” (Mark 4:16-17).

Others believe that by going to church, they’re entering into a bargain with God. When he doesn’t respond to their feeble gesture with mighty miracles, they find themselves more put off by God and the church than they did at first.

Others assume everyone at a church is a Christian. That everyone is sanctified, that everyone is friends, and everyone is committed. They fail to see that churches are hospitals for spiritually sick people and forget others are on a spiritual journey too. So when people don’t treat them in a perfect way, they get angry, judge the church, and walk away.

But even here the church can’t win. Because as soon as a church insists on any level of holiness, as soon as it meaningfully addresses sin, people label it judgmental, puritanical, or unwelcoming. They claim the church hurt them, because it hurts to be confronted with your sin. If you allow sinners in a church, they’ll hurt you. If you exclude sinners who can hurt others in a church, it may exclude you.

Still others lack basic relationship skills. They think that by showing up some Sunday, everyone will magically be their friend, despite the fact that they don’t say hi to anybody, isolate themselves in a corner, hide behind their phone, or don’t take the time to get involved or consistently build relationships. They think relationships magically happen, and are surprised when new connections in a church are not instantly as deep as lifelong friendships they forged over years in childhood.

The list goes on…

When challenged on it, rarely will anyone actually say they believe these false expectations, but secretly in our hearts, these kinds of false expectations set in.

How about you? Do any of these fit the bill?

And then there’s our contribution. It’s easy to look at how others may have hurt us, but where are we responsible for causing church hurt?

People aren’t perfect, including groups of people like churches. Neither are you.

If you think your church is perfect, you’re not looking hard enough.

If you ever find a perfect church, move on. You won’t be able to tolerate it there.

If you ever find a perfect church, don’t join it. You’ll only mess it up.

Far more than pointing out the flaws of another, Jesus invites us to examine ourselves. If we were as quick to repent of our own sins as we are to notice those in others, the church would be a better place.

Acts 15 says the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas was sharp. Sharp things hurt. Hebrews 4 says the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword. God will challenge us, convict us, and tell us things we don’t want to hear.

Sometimes church hurt is nothing more than our inability to come to terms with what we don’t want God telling us. It definitely hurts, but here’s what God wants us to do. Repent. Seek him. Allow him to confront you. Trust him in it. Any church worth belonging to will foster this. Any church worth belonging to should make you feel uncomfortable in the right kind of way.

It hurts, but it’s necessary. Like circumcision, God seeks to cut off part of our calloused soul. It can certainly be painful in the process, but necessary for receptivity to the work of the Holy Spirit in you.