Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge Sample

Day 27: How to find a bad accountability partner

Many of us have tried accountability, and we didn't like it.

Let's face it: for some of us, the word "accountability" sounds like the phrase "root canal." In theory, we know we need it, but it doesn't sound like a pleasant experience.

When it comes to overcoming bad habits, choosing a good accountability partner can be difficult.

Many accountability partners are either 1) too moralistic or 2) too passive.

Moralistic accountability partners have one primary goal in mind: your performance to a standard. They approach you as a cop, not a fellow traveler.

On the other hand, morally mature partners want to see you grow in obedience, but they know your heart must come first. They know that real change is not when we perform in order to be accepted by God, but when we obey because we already know we are accepted and loved by God, through Christ.

Passive accountability partners shy away from confronting or challenging you to appear gracious or compassionate.

However, true gracious partners know God’s grace doesn’t just overcome the guilt of sin; it overcomes the grip of sin. Gracious people know God’s grace is not cheap—Christ died for it (1 Corinthians 6:20, Romans 5:8). We don’t just confess sins to get cheap peace for a troubled conscience. We confess our sins to have reconciliation with God; to be restored to God’s grace and join again with him in intimate friendship.

When you aren’t sure who to choose for an accountability partner, (1) make a list of all your friends who appear to be serious about their relationship with Christ, then (2) narrow that list to those friends who you genuinely enjoy talking to. Start there.

When you engage this person about being an accountability partner, understand that many people don’t know how to “do accountability” well. Be intentional about growing together as friends who can be morally mature and gracious.

Reflection

Have you ever had an accountability partner before? If it went poorly, what do you think went wrong? If it went well, what worked about it?