The Wisdom to Stop

By Romina Chevren

“Again Abner warned Asahel, ‘Stop chasing me! Why should I strike you down? How could I look your brother Joab in the face?’ But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit; so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel’s stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot. . . . Joab and Abishai pursued Abner, and as the sun was setting, they came to the hill of Ammah. . . . Abner called out to Joab, ‘Must the sword devour forever? Don’t you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their fellow Israelites?’ Joab answered, ‘As surely as God lives, if you had not spoken, the men would have continued pursuing them until morning.’ So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the troops came to a halt; they no longer pursued Israel, nor did they fight anymore.”—2 Samuel 2:22–28 (NIV)

The tragedy of this passage unfolds quickly and painfully. Asahel, fast and determined, refuses to give up his pursuit of Abner, the commander of Saul’s army. Despite repeated warnings, Asahel presses on, and it ends in his death—one Abner clearly tried to avoid.

This moment is heavy with meaning. It’s not just a loss of life; it’s the loss of perspective in the heat of personal conflict. Asahel's death sets off a chain reaction. His brothers, Joab and Abishai, go after Abner, further fueling the flames of a battle that should never have been. But then, something changes. As night falls, Abner calls for wisdom: “Must the sword devour forever? Don’t you realize this will end in bitterness?”

These words cut through the chaos like a trumpet. And indeed, that’s what comes next—Joab listens, calls off the troops, and the battle ends. What began as a small clash escalated into a devastating conflict, but it didn’t go on forever. Someone had to speak up. Someone had to recognize the danger of endless fighting and take action to stop it.

This passage speaks to the importance of discernment in conflict. It reminds us that even when we're convinced we're right, there’s wisdom in knowing when to stop fighting. There are moments when the pursuit of victory is not worth the cost of broken relationships, bitterness, and regret.

Asahel’s refusal to stop—even when clearly warned—illustrates how unchecked pride or emotion can blind us. He was bold, but he wasn't listening—and it cost him his life.

Abner’s cry to Joab, and Joab’s decision to respond, shows that even in the midst of battle, it’s never too late to choose peace. It takes humility to halt conflict, especially when you're strong enough to keep going. But wisdom sometimes looks like walking away, not out of weakness, but out of reverence—for life, for unity, for God’s greater purpose.

Are you in a place of tension or conflict right now? Maybe it's with a friend, a family member, a coworker, or even in your own heart. Are you pursuing something so hard that you're not hearing the warnings around you? Could it be time to stop, to pause, to choose peace?

God calls us to be peacemakers, not simply “winners.” The sword can devour forever—unless someone decides to put it down.

Pause:

·Is there a conflict in your life that’s escalating?

·Have you been so focused on winning that you’ve lost sight of the cost?

Practice:

1.Listen to Warnings: Pay attention to the voices around you that may be urging peace or caution.

2.Be the First to Stop: Don’t wait for the other person to back down. Take the first step toward de-escalation.

3.Pursue Peace Over Pride: Choose the higher road. Ask God for strength to walk away from conflict before it ends in bitterness.

Pray: Lord, give me the wisdom to know when to stop. Help me not to let pride, emotion, or vengeance lead me into unnecessary conflict. Teach me to value peace over being right and unity over personal victory. I trust You to fight my battles and bring justice in Your perfect way. Help me be a peacemaker. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.