Navigating Mental Challenges After LossSample

When People Misunderstand Your Grief

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33 ESV)

Grief wears many faces. Some tears are visible; some linger quietly. Often, the hardest part isn't only the pain itself, but the expectations of others. People want grief to look recognisable. They want public sorrow, dramatic expressions, visible proof that we are hurting. However, when grief manifests differently, such as when tears come late or laughter returns early, they can misunderstand the situation. Suddenly, you are not just grieving; you are defending your sorrow.

Even Jesus faced this reality. At Lazarus' tomb, some whispered admiration for His love, while others questioned why He hadn't done more. Matthew 6:33 reminds us: "Seek first the kingdom of God…" Not the approval of others, not their understanding, just God.

Mandisa, a contemporary Christian singer, experienced loss when a close friend died by suicide. The world expected her to perform, to carry her sorrow on stage. Instead, she withdrew. Silence became sacred. God met her in that quiet, holding space for healing and transformation.

I know that silence well. After my loss, I didn't break down in public. I didn't cry on cue. People assumed I was "okay" because my grief wasn't visible. But God saw the inner work my heart was doing. I discovered a new rhythm, not routine, but a cadence that honoured both sorrow and joy, grief and hope.

Sometimes grief comes with quieter companions, depression, fatigue, or numbness. It doesn't demand attention, but it signals a heart carrying weight only God fully sees. None of this diminishes your grief. None of this indicates a lack of faith.

And in the quiet, I asked God:
How do I stay soft when others can't see what I'm carrying?
How do I seek You when I feel unseen?

His answer has always been steady:
Keep seeking Me. I see you.

Reflection Questions:

• Are you carrying the weight of others' expectations in your grief?
• What would it look like to let God, not people, define your healing journey?

Prayer:

Lord, thank You that I don’t have to grieve in a way that pleases people. You see me clearly, and that’s enough. Help me let go of the need to explain my sorrow. Teach me to seek You first, trusting that in Your presence, every emotion is safe. Amen.