Navigating Mental Challenges After LossSample

When Acceptance Comes Quickly, but Healing Doesn’t

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

Grief rarely follows a rulebook. Sometimes it strikes slowly, settling into your heart like a quiet wave. Other times, it arrives swiftly, and you find yourself navigating loss in ways others might not understand. That was my journey after losing my son. Acceptance came quickly, almost unnaturally. I didn’t collapse. I didn’t rage. I didn’t sob for days. And yet, God met me in every quiet, unseen moment.

People often expect grief to be loud, visible, and performative. Tears. Isolation. Dramatic displays of sorrow. When we don’t grieve “the right way,” confusion and judgment can appear around us. I remember friends and family staring, unsure how to respond, expecting me to cry harder or retreat more. But my grief was sacred. It lived quietly between my heart and God. And in that Holy silence, He was close.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us that God draws near to the brokenhearted, even when others don’t understand. And Jesus, in Matthew 5:4, promises blessing and comfort to all who mourn, not those who mourn visibly, not those who mourn in a culturally approved way, but those who bring their hearts honestly to Him.

Hannah, a woman in the Old Testament, illustrates this beautifully. She longed for a child but was barren. Her heart broke in prayer at the temple, pouring out her grief in tears, so raw that the priest Eli mistook her anguish for drunkenness. But God saw her heart. He met her in her honesty and granted her request, blessing her with a son, Samuel. Hannah’s story teaches us that God honours authentic grief, even when it is misunderstood.

Even modern figures encounter this reality. C.S. Lewis, a British writer and scholar, experienced unimaginable loss when his wife, Joy, died. In his book A Grief Observed, he documented his honest, raw emotions, doubt, sorrow, anger, and questioning God. He didn’t try to perform grief for others. He let God meet him in his honesty. His words remind us that mourning is not about putting on a show; it is about connecting with God.

For me, acceptance came swiftly, but healing was gradual. What prolonged my pain was not only loss, but others’ expectations of how grief should appear. God never demanded that I perform. He only asked me to bring my heart. When I did, He met me there, patiently, gently, and thoroughly.

You may feel the same. Your grief may not look like anyone else’s. But that doesn’t make it wrong. God meets the heart that is hurting. He draws near to the hidden spaces, where tears are private, and hope flickers quietly. Even in the silence, healing begins, step by tender step.

Reflection Questions:

• Have you felt pressure to grieve a certain way?
• How might you permit yourself to grieve authentically with God, not for others?

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for being near to me, even when my grief doesn’t look the way others expect. Help me to trust Your presence, and to release the need to perform my pain. Draw near, and help me draw near to You. Amen.