"No Solo Acts – Being a Team is Vital"

Scripture: Romans 5:3–5 (NLT)
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

When you're hurting, it's easy to pull away. To isolate. To retreat into your own mind, your own pain. But here's the truth:

Marriage was never meant to be a solo act.

We weren’t designed to carry our trials alone—not in faith, and not in our relationships. Especially not in marriage.

And yet, when the pain hits—when infertility lingers, when miscarriage wounds, when the grief won’t let up; it becomes tempting to withdraw and go internal. But isolation is a setup for deeper pain.

God didn’t create you to endure this separately. You were meant to fight together. As one. And that doesn’t just sound nice on a coffee mug, that’s the actual way forward.

Working on Teamwork:

We like to call ourselves “Team Rolf”.
It is kind of corny, but honestly, it helps. It reminded us: we are in this together. Not me versus you. Not your grief versus mine. Ours.

When life gets heavy, we have to keep reminding each other: we’re on the same team. The enemy would love nothing more than to divide you with silence, misunderstanding, self blame, or exhaustion. But every time you choose unity, you win.

Men, let’s talk real for a minute.

Sometimes we treat this whole thing like it’s her emotional battle. But if you’re only “supporting her” instead of joining her, you're missing it. This is your story too. Your ache. Your hope. Your faith being tested. Marriage doesn’t work well when one person carries the spiritual weight and the other just “shows up.”

Ladies, let’s talk heart to heart.

We often carry the weight of this journey like it’s all on us, the appointments, the emotions, the tears behind closed doors. And sometimes, without meaning to, we carry the blame too. It’s heavy. But in trying to protect our husbands or maybe even push them away; we can unintentionally leave no room for their grief. Their ache may not look like ours, but it’s there. We can’t let our emotions grow so loud that his have no room to speak. You weren’t meant to carry this alone. He wasn’t meant to stand on the outside. Let him in. Not to fix it, but to feel it with you.

As a Team.

Every Team has a Playbook. Just like a team shows up for practice, you’ve got to come together in your marriage, outside the heat of conflict, in a calm & honest moment. Check in on how the “plays” are working: What needs adjusting? What worked at the beginning might not be what you need now. That’s okay. Strong teams adapt. Healthy couples revisit the playbook together.

So let’s drop the solo mindset. God calls us to show up. Fully. Together.

Practical Ways to Be a Team:

1. Lean into the Holy Spirit

Let the Holy Spirit do what only He can do, strengthen you when your strength runs out. Ask Him to fill the space between you, especially when words fail.

2. Make Time for Fun

Even in the middle of grief, you still need joy. Plan a date night. Watch something dumb that makes you laugh. Dance in the kitchen. Joy and pain are not mutually exclusive. You can feel both, sometimes in the very same breath. As individuals and as a couple, it's possible to carry grief in one moment and still encounter joy in another. One doesn’t cancel the other out. Instead, they often walk together, shaping a deeper, more honest experience of the season you're in.

3. Create a Playbook

This isn’t just for athletes. It’s for marriages under pressure. A playbook helps you stay aligned when emotions are high. Start with answering the questions below:

• When do we feel most connected?
• What boundaries do we need to protect our peace?
• Who brings us life and who drains us?
• What’s our strategy or code word for removing ourselves from emotionally loaded events or situations?
  

It doesn’t have to be formal just a shared understanding of how to love each other well in the midst of these difficulties.

Remember: Teamwork isn’t about perfection. It’s about:

• Being present
• Consistency
• Honesty
  

It’s showing up; even when you don’t know what to say or do.

Response:

Try this today:
Create a simple Feelings Chart together. Sounds elementary but it’s actually powerful. This exercise creates in us an emotionally healthy awareness of how we are feeling and what we need. Then we can better communicate to our spouse where we are. It replaces negative reactions or assumptions, giving us clarity for ourselves and each other. Use words like:

Overwhelmed. Angry. Hopeful. Numb. Grateful. Discouraged. Anxious. Tender. (You can also google an emotions chart for more options.)
Use it daily or weekly to check in. No fixing. Just naming. Just listening.
Let it open the door to deeper connection and conversation.

Create a note of 3–5 emotions you’ve both felt recently. Circle any that are shared. This is a check-in, not a performance.

Reflection:

Take a moment to asses where you are as a couple.

• Are you fighting with each other or for each other?
• Do you feel you are carrying this alone?
• Where have we each shut down or held back?
• How can we re-align and re-engage as a team?
  

Now write in your note any thoughts, realizations, or nudges you feel in your spirit after reflecting on these questions—together or separately.

🛐 Prayer

God, thank You for the gift of this partnership. Help us remember that we’re not enemies but we’re teammates. Teach us to see each other with grace and to lean into You when we feel weak. Fill our home with unity, love, and the kind of hope that doesn’t disappoint. Amen.

This is not a Solo Act. You’re a team. And together, with God, you’ve got what it takes.