Legacy Forward-Couples Facing Infertility, Miscarriage, or ChildlesnessSample

"The Big Why"

Scripture: Proverbs 13:12
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

If you're reading this, there's a good chance your journey hasn’t gone the way you hoped.
Maybe it’s due to infertility. A miscarriage. A loss you never expected.
The kind of pain that sneaks into holidays, interrupts conversations, and rewrites the story you thought you were living.

Maybe you’ve found yourself staring at a negative test again or leaving the hospital without the child you prayed for. Maybe you’ve sat in silence beside your spouse, unsure of what to say because the ache is just that big.

It’s the kind of grief that isolates. That makes you wonder, “Is it just us?”

You are not alone.

This chapter, and this entire devotional, was written for you the couple carrying invisible loss. The ones who feel like their prayers were skipped over. The ones still waiting. Still aching. Still trying to figure out how to move forward when the most natural thing in the world... just isn’t happening.

Hope is powerful. It fuels our dreams, strengthens our faith, and keeps us walking forward sometimes dragging our feet, sure, but still moving.

But what happens when hope feels just out of reach? When the thing you’ve been praying for slips through your fingers again and again?

That’s when the "why" begins to rise.

Why is this happening?
Why do others get to have kids and we don't?
Why does this journey have to be so unbearably painful?

Let’s just name it: these questions are heavy. They don’t come quietly. They yell. They echo. They start to drown out everything else, sometimes even the voice of God.

But today, we want to do two things:
Validate your “why.” And gently remind you your life is bigger than this one question.

You Are Not Alone

One of the most subtle lies we face in suffering is the belief that we’re alone. That no one gets it. That somehow, we’re the broken ones.

Let us speak this truth over you:

There is nothing wrong with you.
Nothing wrong with your heart.
Nothing wrong with your marriage.
Nothing wrong with your desire.

The pain is real. And we’re not here to slap a spiritual Band-Aid on it and call it “faith.” But know this: God has not abandoned you in your why. He’s not pacing heaven nervously, unsure of how to answer your prayers. He isn’t afraid of your grief. He is ready to care for you in the midst of it..

Expectancy vs. Expectation

Let’s talk about a game-changer: the difference between expectation and expectancy.

• Expectation says: “This must happen, exactly this way, or I’ll be devastated.”
• Expectancy says: “God is doing something. I may not see it yet, but I trust He’s still good.”

When we cling to expectations, we set ourselves up for bitterness when things don’t unfold the way we planned. However, when we live in expectancy; we make space for hope even in disappointment.

This shift won’t make the why disappear. But it will make room for peace to grow in the doubt.

Holding Onto Hope

If you are feeling like hope has been deferred then Proverbs 13:12 probably feels very real. Hope deferred does make the heart sick. And if that’s where you are right now heart-sick, soul-weary; please don’t minimize it.

But here’s the thing about hope:
It’s stubborn.
It’s the ember that refuses to go out, even when buried under ashes of disappointment.

God is still calling you to dream with hope. Even now.
Your life is not on hold. Your story isn’t over.
There is still joy. Still purpose. Still dreams He’s placed within you beyond this one thing.

So the question becomes: What else?
What else is God doing in your life right now?
What other dreams are still alive, just waiting to be breathed into?

Here’s Some Practical Steps: Dream Beyond the Why

Here’s how you can begin to shift the weight off your “why” and breathe life back into your soul:

• Make a bucket list together of five things you want to do as a couple. Adventures, hobbies, silly stuff, soul-filling moments.
• Take one small step today, a date night, a walk, a lighthearted convo about a dream that has nothing to do with the struggle you are facing.
• Play the “What If We Won the Lottery?” game. If we won the lottery today we would….. Fill in the blank. It may feel a little silly but that’s the point. Let your mind stretch into something joyful again.

Response:

Take a minute to write down five dreams or experiences you still want to pursue.
They don’t have to be life-changing. Just honest.

Big or small, these dreams are breadcrumbs that lead you back to hope.

Reflection:

Now take five minutes. Quiet the noise. Ask God:

• “What are You speaking to me right now?”
• “Where can I find hope in the middle of my why?”
• “What dreams do you want to stir up again?”

Write down what you sense, what you feel, or what begins to stir in your heart.
There are no wrong answers only honest ones.

🛐 Prayer

God, we don’t always understand the “why,” but we know You’re with us in it. Help us hold onto hope not just in outcomes, but in You. Teach us to dream again, even here. Give us grace for each other, peace in the waiting, and courage to keep moving forward, together. Amen.

You are not alone. You are not forgotten. And yes, there is still hope.