Cradled in HopeSample

I shuffled through the pea gravel surrounding the playground. As my three-year-old son stood at the top of the play structure, I walked over to an opening to talk to him as two little kids, a brother and sister, passed him on their way to the slide. As the boy noticed my son playing alone, he blurted to his mom, “Oh, he doesn’t have a sister like me.” His mom, standing nearby, responded, “Yeah, he doesn’t have a sister.”

When her words reached my ears, they cut straight to my heart and reverberated in its broken chambers. He. Doesn’t. Have. A. Sister. Five simple words held the power to resurface all my grief for Bridget and derail my entire day. I thought, How dare she say that?

In my triggered emotional state, I didn’t have the courage to correct her out loud. Instead, I responded in my head: He does have a sister. You just can’t see her because she is in Heaven. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I felt the need to leave. I quietly took hold of my son’s hand and walked somberly to my car. The rest of the day, I ruminated over those five words and how sad I was that my son didn’t have his sister to play with him.

Have you experienced something similar? Whether it was a stranger, a family member, a friend, or a coworker, have someone’s words caused your emotions to tailspin? Words, as we know, hold tremendous power. They can either hurt or heal you, strengthen or destroy you.

However, most of the time, with a few exceptions, people do not intend to hurt us with their words. The mom at the park had no idea I had lost a daughter. She was simply making an observation based on what her eyes could see. She did not intend to hurt me.

What if I had offered her grace instead of getting upset and feeling offended? Well, it would have protected my peace. Instead of taking her comment to heart, I could have taken it to God and then enjoyed the rest of my time with my son. Because these occurrences often happen when we least expect them, we should pre-fill a “Grace Cup” and be ready to pour it on people in everyday situations.

Now, you may be thinking, Grace. They don’t deserve it! Why do I have to be the one offering grace when I’m grieving my baby, and they’re the ones saying hurtful things? I understand your feelings, and they are valid. But offering grace is not about them; it’s about you.

You do not want to live in a state of constant hurt and offense! A victimhood mentality will lend itself to a lifetime of resentment, bitterness, and anger. When we deny others our forgiveness, we give them power over us. Holding on to unforgiveness will hurt you more than anyone else.

As hard as it may be to hear this, God does not give us a pass to withhold forgiveness because we’ve lost a child. Our grief doesn’t give us the right to hold others’ insensitive words and actions over their heads. As followers of Jesus, He calls us to forgive others, regardless of our circumstances.

We should forgive others just as Jesus forgave the Roman soldiers who crucified Him. Hanging on the cross, He cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34 ESV). In the same way, those who hurt you “know not what they do.” My sweet friend, hold out your Grace Cup, which has been pre-filled with the grace of Jesus, and stand ready to pour it out.

Closing Question/Action Step: Have you been hurt by someone during this season of grief? Are you withholding forgiveness from them? Ask the Lord to help you pour your Grace Cup when hurtful words arise.