Cradled in HopeSample

I passed out note cards and pens to grieving moms gathered in a circle inside our ministry headquarters. I instructed everyone to write down words that came to mind when they thought of the word grief. I asked, “What does grief look like in your life? What does it feel like?” Pens scribbled away, and one by one, they read their answers out loud:

Pain. Loss. Suffering. Sadness. Crying. Disorienting. Darkness. Disappointment. Unpredictable. Never-ending. Drowning. Heavy. Longing. Lonely. Overwhelming. Roller coaster. Waves. Deep. Empty. Broken. Heartache. Numbing. Isolating. Anxiety. Depression. Uncontrollable. Sorrow. Shattered. Hollow. Absence. Consuming. Unraveling. Lost. Nightmare. Inescapable. Despair. Agony.

With each word spoken, we nodded in agreement: Yes, this is what grief feels like. But what is grief? Is it solely a collection of these distressing feelings, or is there more to it than meets the eye—or heart?

On the surface, grief feels like pain. But when you peel back its layers, you will uncover its true source: love. Grief is a deep sorrow expressing love for someone you cherish who is no longer with you. The words we shared were the symptoms of grief, not the source. I’ve heard it stated this way: “Grief is the last act of love we give to our loved one. Where there is deep grief, there is great love.” (1)

The day Bridget was born into Heaven was both the best and worst day of my life. Though I was overwhelmed with sadness over her death, the prevailing emotion I felt while holding her was love—the unconditional, all-consuming love of a mother.

Holding my sweet girl in her cradle and kissing her tiny lips was one of the best moments of my life. Yet, I was heartbroken holding her lifeless body and seeing death take its toll on her. My love and sorrow for her were so intricately intertwined that I couldn’t tell where one emotion started and the other ended. I am sure you’ve felt this too.

God has given us natural instincts to love, protect, and nurture our children. When we lose a child, grieving is how we love, protect, and nurture their memory since we cannot love, protect, and nurture them in the flesh. But where does your love for them go when they die? How do you love your baby when they’re in Heaven and you’re still on earth? I understand why some people feel grief is love with no place to go, (2) but I would beg to differ. Our love does have a place to go.

Your love for your baby is not lost, nor is your baby lost. Your baby is in Heaven, and one day, Jesus will reunite you with them. Because of Him, your love for your baby never has to end. During this time of temporary separation, loving your baby will look different than you had expected or hoped. But there are many fulfilling ways you can express your love for your baby while you wait to hold them in your arms in Heaven.

Closing Question/Action Step: What does grief look like in your life? What does it feel like? Write down a list of words that come to mind when you think of the word grief.

For ideas on honoring your baby and ways to grieve, read Cradled in Hope and download free Bridget’s Cradles e-books on the topics.

Endnotes:

1.This quote is most often attributed to Chaplain Robert Orr (Kindred Hospice).

2.This quote is attributed to Jamie Anderson.