Managing Your AngerSample

It Matters to Your Wife

In an Impactus article called The Gift of Anger, Nate Larkin wrote that though he was even-tempered, he was surprised when his wife stated she was always afraid he might hit her! She sensed his repressed anger and was scared he would lash out one day.

It’s a low bar, but I’ve never hit my wife, either. I asked her just now if she ever feared this possibility, but thankfully, she said no! She explained that even while we were dating, I didn’t seem like that type of guy, as she saw me as a kind and sensitive man.

I’ll come down from my pedestal now and carry on.

Men are called to love their wives and to make them feel secure in this love, never worried we’ll hit them some dark day (please think of your girlfriend or fiancée, or other significant women in your life, like a sister or friend, as the case may apply, as I recognize not everyone is married).

1 Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands have two responsibilities when it comes to their wives: be considerate and respect them. In those days, men had all the power, so it was countercultural to be considerate and show respect to your wife, but this is God’s way for how husbands should treat their wives for all time.

Some Bible translations use “be understanding” instead of “considerate.” The original Greek term refers to “knowledge.” This implies that you can’t just go through the motions in your marriage, such as coming home from work and watching TV alone. We need to exhibit some understanding and consider our wives’ needs and perspectives. When we start making married life about ourselves, it’s no wonder men get angry unjustifiably when our wives want more understanding from us.

In addition, we are to respect our wives. Some Bible translations use “honor” instead, but both respect and honor convey a benevolent attitude towards our spouse. Note that where the verse says wives are “weaker,” this only refers to physical strength. We need to rise above this physical difference and not be callous with our wives because we think we can get away with it.

This beautiful teaching from 1 Peter 3:7 has no room for anger. Obviously, arguments will arise even in the best of marriages. But if husbands focus on our God-given charge to love our wives intentionally, with consideration and respect, we can trust that God will help us manage our anger in our marriages.

Prayer: Lord, thank You for the special woman in my life. May I walk in peace with You, allowing this peace to overflow into my marriage so that my wife feels secure in my love for her. Please give me the grace to love my wife with consideration and respect each day, from the mundane to the special moments found in married life. Amen.

Reflection: Do you think your wife feels that you treat her well, with consideration and respect? Why or why not? Has your temper ever given her reason to be afraid of you? In what areas of your relationship with your wife do you need God’s help with any anger issues?