The Best Friend You Could Ever Ask For

By Danny Saavedra

“In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, and he said to the boy, ‘Run and find the arrows I shoot.’ As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. When the boy came to the place where Jonathan’s arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, ‘Isn’t the arrow beyond you?’ Then he shouted, ‘Hurry! Go quickly! Don’t stop!’ The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. (The boy knew nothing about all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, ‘Go, carry them back to town.’ After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, “The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.”’ Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.”—1 Samuel 20:35–42 (NIV)

In The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Sam says, “I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales. I wonder if people will ever say, ‘Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring.’ And they'll say, ‘Yes, that's one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?’” To this, Frodo responds, “You've left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. Frodo wouldn't have gotten far without Sam.”

Samwise Gamgee is the greatest friend in fiction. A ride-or-die companion, he never gave up on Frodo, even when Frodo was at his lowest. He went through fire with him, carried Frodo on his shoulders when Frodo couldn’t go any further, and defended him at all costs. Samwise is the kind of friend we should strive to be and the kind we all need.

Do you have a friend like Sam? David did! Like Frodo, he could say, “Jonathan the Brave. David wouldn’t have gotten far without Jonathan.” Consider Jonathan's position: His father, Saul, was king, making Jonathan next in line. Siding with David meant willingly giving up his claim to the throne AND putting himself in mortal danger from his father (1 Samuel 20:33). Yet 1 Samuel 18:1 (NIV) says Jonathan "became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself."

You see, their bond was built on love for the Lord. Jonathan, like David, was a man after God’s heart. David found in him a true brother. When Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:24 (ESV), “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” I have to believe he had his father and Jonathan in mind.

In today’s passage, David and Jonathan embrace for what they believe is the last time. Have you ever had to say goodbye to a loved one? It’s very hard. And we’re told they wept together, but David more so. One theologian wrote, “Jonathan seems, out of tenderness to David, to have suppressed some part of his grief. But David, who reflected that he was now taking his last leave of a friend . . . could not restrain himself.” Another put it this way: “While Jonathan wept bitterly at the parting . . . David broke down, that is, was completely mastered by his grief.”

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that some claim their friendship was romantic, but this is an egregious and irresponsible modern misinterpretation. The Hebrew word for "kiss" here signifies affection, respect, and allegiance, not romantic love. In ancient cultures and still in many cultures around the world today, men greet each other with a kiss on the cheek. This was a common sign of greeting, farewell, and covenant-making, much like a handshake today. I want you to see this clearly because it’s wrong and honestly quite vile to apply something the Bible clearly defines as sinful to such a beautiful friendship that represents something much deeper…

You see, Jonathan was a type of Christ, a forerunner meant to show us and point us to Jesus. Jonathan gives us a glimpse of the loyalty and dedication of our Lord, Savior, and King who calls us His friends.

Remember, the night before He was crucified for our sins, He told His disciples, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NIV). Like Samwise Gamgee, like Jonathan, we can say as the old hymn declares, “What a friend we have in Jesus!”

Friends, learn what true friendship looks like from David and Jonathan’s example. We should all try to find a friend like Jonathan, and we should all strive to be a friend like Jonathan. And the good news is that because Jesus is this type of friend to us, His love in us can flow out of us, enabling us to be a Jonathan to others.

Pause: What made Jonathan such a good friend? How can you be a friend like Jonathan?

Practice: Take time to reflect on your friendships. Do you have a friend who sticks closer to you than a brother or sister? If so, reach out and thank them today. If not, ask God to help you build strong, godly friendships.

Pray: Father, thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for the example of Jonathan and David in Your Word. By Your Spirit, I pray and ask that You would help me to be a loyal, selfless friend like Jonathan. I pray that as the love of Your Son is poured into me daily, that it would reflect in my relationships. Teach me to love as You love and to reflect Jesus’ faithfulness in my relationships. And thank You for sending Jesus to be the greatest friend I could ever ask for. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Special note from the author for the men reading this: Over the last several decades and even centuries, men have been told that to have this kind of deep friendship, this kind of affection and love and bond with another man implies some sort of latent homosexuality. It has caused many men to question themselves and their sexuality, or to overcompensate by shying away altogether from male friendships and the healthy expression of emotions.

In a world that loves to label things “toxic masculinity,” nothing is more toxic for men than this lie from the devil that men can’t have deep bonds with one another or feel deeply without it being romantic or that showing emotion like David did here, like Jesus did when Lazarus died, like Joseph and his brothers did when he revealed he was still alive . . . because your enemy, the devil, wants so badly to isolate you and then cause devastation in your heart, mind, soul, and relationships. He wants to make you lonely and repressed, to emphasize the unhealthiest emotions like anger, and in isolation feed your worst desires. Don’t believe this lie, men. Don’t be like Saul . . . be like David and Jonathan! Find a brother or two you can be real with, bond with, do life with, that you can laugh and weep with. Find yourself a ride-or-die Samwise Gamgee. Don’t do life alone.