Red Flags vs. Real Love: Discernment in DatingSample

Day 1: What Is Discernment?

Have you ever had a gut feeling about a person or a situation but brushed it aside, telling yourself you were probably overthinking? That small voice, that nudge in your spirit — it’s often more than just a random thought. It could be discernment, a precious gift from the Holy Spirit to help guide you toward truth and wisdom, even when things aren’t always obvious.

Discernment is the ability to see beyond appearances and identify what’s really going on beneath the surface. It’s not about being cynical or paranoid but about seeking clarity through God’s perspective. When it comes to dating, discernment is especially important. Not every relationship or person that comes into your life will reflect God’s best for you. That’s why learning to slow down, pray, and listen to the Spirit is so vital.

Sometimes the red flags aren’t glaringly obvious. It might look small at first — like a sarcastic comment that feels a little too cutting or a pattern of inconsistency in their words and actions. Other times, it’s an overwhelming feeling that something just doesn’t sit right. That unease you feel isn't there by accident. God often uses that discomfort to protect you, helping you see what your heart might overlook.

The problem is that we sometimes ignore those warnings. Maybe you start thinking, “I’m being too picky,” or you convince yourself they’ll change. You might even feel like you’re judging them unfairly. But here’s something to remember: discernment isn’t judgment. It’s about noticing the fruit of someone’s character, as Jesus taught in Matthew 7:16 (“By their fruit you will recognize them”). Healthy relationships produce the kind of fruit that reflects love, joy, peace, and kindness. If you’re seeing or feeling something else entirely, don’t dismiss it.

Pause and invite God into the process. Ask Him to give you clarity, wisdom, and peace. It might feel uncomfortable at the moment, but trusting discernment allows you to guard your heart and keep it aligned with His will (Proverbs 4:23). Reflect on moments where you may have ignored His leading or silenced that small voice of caution. Trust that this gift of discernment was given to protect you and guide you toward His plan for your life. He will never lead you astray.