If we wrote a list of “essentials” for an Awesome Marriage, honesty would be on that list. Sometimes I think we take honesty for granted. It should be a given in a marriage. No one stands before their intended spouse, pastor, and a lot of friends and family on their wedding day and says they plan to lie to their spouse “till death do us part.” That would be ridiculous. Yet, how often do the lies begin somewhere down the road of marriage? Unfortunately, more times than we can count. The question is, why? Why do we step across an invisible line that takes our marriage from one built on trust and complete honesty to one of devastation? No one seems to realize how valuable trust is in a marriage until they lose it and try to build it back.
We can do a good job of fooling ourselves into thinking that this one little lie is not going to hurt anyone. No one will ever know. The next time that line is a lot easier to cross. Each time we cross it we are digging a bigger grave for our marriage. The first time we cross the line may have nothing to do with infidelity, but the significance of crossing that line just one time is huge. Its effects continue to show up in our marriage after a lot more lies about a lot more things. We have laid a foundation of deceit in our marriage and left the door to infidelity wide open.
The truth is that every lie causes damage. One little lie can wreak havoc in a marriage. Even if your spouse does not find out, you know, God knows, and you have stepped outside of His plan for your life and for your marriage.
If you have built a foundation of honesty in your marriage, stand on it with God’s help day after day the rest of your life. If you have broken trust, make a commitment to be totally and completely honest from this day forward to God, to yourself, and to your spouse. It is a big step toward building an Awesome Marriage.
Today’s Challenge: If an affair has taken place in your marriage, we urge you to seek help in working through it in order to save your marriage. Take time this week to find a counselor, pastor, or trusted friend to help you walk through this and work towards saving your marriage. The wise counsel of a third party can be very helpful.
1. Dr. Kim shares that when an affair has happened it is vital that the offending spouse be honest about what happened. If infidelity has occurred in your marriage, seek help from someone and create a safe place where the offending spouse can be honest about what happened.
2. When an affair takes place the spouse that was cheated on often wants to know every detail of the affair, but that’s not necessarily the wisest thing. If you have been cheated on ask yourself, “What is beneficial for me to know moving forward? What is fruitful? What details do I need to know so I can trust my spouse again? What details do I not need to know because they would be too hurtful to hear and of no benefit for the relationship?”
3. Dr. Kim shares that if you have trust in your marriage, cherish it. Think of a special way to let your spouse know you are grateful that you can trust them.
4. If trust has been broken, work as hard as you can to rebuild it. What steps do you need to take this week towards rebuilding the trust in your marriage?
Resource: Too many marriages today are struggling to survive when God intended for them to thrive. Take a practical step toward building an awesome marriage by signing up for Dr. Kim's One Thing email. Each day you will receive one practical thing you can do to grow your marriage. Sign up here: One Thing Email