The Stages of Grief

As I enter this time of prayer, I repeat the words of Psalm 6:2–3, slowly, several times, making them my prayer to God:

‘Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;

heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in deep anguish.

How long, LORD, how long?’

Pause and repeat

In Galatians 2:20 (MSG) the apostle Paul writes: ‘I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me’.

Pete writes, ‘The Five Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) help explain why we may initially get angry with God, raging against the apparent unfairness of His will (anger was certainly one of my initial reactions to Sammy’s diagnosis once the shock had worn off). At other stages, we may seek to bargain with God, repenting of our sin, trying to be a better person, fasting, and making all sorts of promises to try to persuade Him to change His mind. One writer calls this “bribery of the infinite.”* Having vented our anger and having failed to bribe God, we really only have two choices left: depression or acceptance’**

Might I be experiencing any of the stages of grief as I struggle with unanswered prayer? What emotions does the thought of accepting my situation provoke within me? Might it be helpful to share how I’m doing with someone today?

Pause and reflect

Father, help me to be gentle with myself as I mourn the possibility or the actuality of loss. Help me to grieve well. Reconcile my desires with Your desires, my will with Your will, and my acceptance with the goodness of Your sovereign purposes.

Pause and pray

As I bring this time with God to a close, I pray the words of the hymn ‘It Is Well with My Soul’ by Horatio Spafford:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blessed assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

And Lord haste the day, when the faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

Amen.

* Joan Chittister, quoted in Clouds of Witnesses, ed. Jim Wallis and Joyce Hollyday (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2005).

** Pete Greig, God on Mute, David C Cook, (Colorado Springs, 2020), p104-5