The Variable LifeSample

“How to Love Someone During Conflict” Differences keep us distant if we let them. Separation results from misunderstanding, from a lack of common bond. Lies and deceit are the seeds of mistrust, planted with unaddressed grievances and unresolved conflicts — keeping once-dear relatives away from holiday reunions or old friends bitter from a past event. In the darkness of our fragmented lives, we operate outside connection with people, without their help, honest communication, and healthy challenges for growth. It’s easy to live in darkness because we don’t have to admit we’re wrong. But we’re not meant to live in darkness. It’s cowardly, fear-based thinking. I’m an introvert who loves time alone, and introverts are not always wrong to avoid people—there are legitimate reasons to draw clear boundaries and protect solitude. Yet other times, we take the easy way out. We don’t see meaningful benefits to the social and emotional energy patience and kindness require. Fear cripples our sense of connection and capacity to love. When I make conscious efforts to leave my comfort zone while maintaining confidence in who I am, I’m free to connect, love, and engage people I disagree with. Love can’t show up without humble effort. Ideas won’t be explored. Connection won’t occur. Counselor Danny Silk wrote: “Conflict becomes dangerously ugly when we react out of fear and pain. Fear feeds conflict because it is in every way opposed to connection.” I’ve got a long way to go in loving sincerely. 1 John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” We can choose to see people through the lens of God’s love. His love goes a lot further and deeper than ours can. Caring for people is about pointing them to better things and helping them get there. Love doesn’t always need to be acknowledged as right. I like stating the reality of a matter, yet love takes care of that on its own. Truth and love are braided together to bring us clarity and belonging. Truth motivates love. When we know who God is and who he's made us to be, we can love at our fullest capacity. By extending love to other people, we find that to love is to express the very presence of God.