The Flirtation Experiment: Putting Magic, Mystery, and Spark Into Your Everyday MarriageSample

The Romance Experiment

Lisa

As I was brainstorming for my next experiment, I playfully put the question to my hairdresser: “I’m working on this little experiment for my marriage and need some ideas for romance. Any suggestions?”

“Why not rent one of the honeymoon cabins up at the Five Pines?” she suggested.

I laughed at the thought. After nearly three decades of marriage and eight kids, Matt and I hardly qualify as honeymooners.

“Great suggestion!” I chuckled. And with the aluminum foil on my head glittering under the fluorescent lights, I began searching for those dreamy cabins on my phone—fireplace, blue- tiled soaking tub, convenient double shower!

We had been in a season of trudging, grinding, doing the thing. I knew the furthest thing from Matt’s mind was romance. Every marriage passes through seasons like this when connection and true, intimate fellowship are hindered. I made a conscious decision—a choice—to pursue Matt romantically. All he had to do was come along for the ride.

I’m not sure if it was the warm fire or the spa tub that drew me in, but suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about how lovely it sounded.

In no time, there they were on my phone, The Five Pines Resort “romance cabins,” with a fantastic sale—two nights for the price of one! Before my hair was dry, I had booked a reservation for the following week. Two nights in the “honeymoon cabin” for two people who had been married for nearly thirty years.

I’d say the easy part was reserving the romance cabin. The bigger challenge was convincing Matt. Having grown up in BC, Canada, his idea of a cabin is more like a remote trapper’s cabin many miles from anywhere or anyone. These cabins were neatly stacked in rows one right next to the other, with every luxury appointment (but to give them credit, you could view the “woods” from the back door). This kind of thing usually elicits from him a slightly raised eyebrow and a look of mild disdain. I knew he’d consider them “pretend cabins”—and maybe they were— but we could pretend for a couple of days, couldn’t we?

The second hurdle was the timing. We were in the middle of a hectic and therefore stressful season. Time-wise we couldn’t afford this mini-honeymoon adventure; it was an exceptionally inconvenient month to schedule a romantic getaway. (Is there ever a convenient time in our fast-paced twenty-first-century world?) Yet I managed to persuade Matt that this was precisely why we should do it.

And so off we went. After I grabbed our keys from the front desk, we crossed the small bridge to our little love shack in the woods, but it wasn’t until we walked inside and closed the door behind us that it truly dawned on us: we had nowhere to go and no one to see for the following forty-eight hours.

Let the honeymoon begin! 

In the years from adolescence to womanhood, I don’t think I ever put that pair of words together: God and romance. In my mind these were two entirely different topics, and one didn’t have much to do with the other.

And yet I inexplicably desired romance—both before and after marriage. It didn’t really make sense in my mind. Why would a fairly practical, down-to-earth Christian woman like me long for such impractical, intangible things?

Why? It’s a question I mulled over for some time. Eventually I ventured to ask Matt what he thought this burning desire might be about.

Sure enough, my pastor husband had a ready answer. But he didn’t turn to the Song of Solomon like I would have expected. Instead, he pointed right to the beginning in Genesis. “Look, the book starts with two naked people walking around in a garden, so desire is no surprise. Babe, think about it; it must’ve been beautiful and incredibly hot.”

Interesting. I’d never thought of it quite like that but had focused on what came next instead. You know, the apple, the snake, the devastation of sin, and the banishment and murder that followed—that part of the story. That’s where my mind immediately went.

Eden must have been downright steamy in those beginning days—exactly how God designed it. Adam and Eve must have experienced some of the most romantic moments of all time. And you know what else I appreciate about this picture? How simple it all was. How very natural, how very good.

In light of creation and God’s encouragement that man and woman enjoy each other—“Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love (Prov. 5:19 NKJV)—it’s not the least bit “odd” that we long for romance in our relationships. Don’t be shy about stirring up the beauty and mystery of two people meant for each other.

Is romance not happening? Don’t sit passively by and wait for it to magically appear. Take action. Pursue. You don’t have to check into a honeymoon suite (or cabin) to enjoy a romantic holiday. Try brainstorming what might be marvelously restorative for the two of you. Think back to what you enjoyed together at the beginning of your relationship. Or consider something you’ve never done before and try that.

Maybe for you, romance looks like camping in the wilderness or a festive evening out or attending a favorite event together—just the two of you.

The goal is to set aside time to enjoy the God-given romance waiting for you.

Respond

Describe your idea of romance.

List some romantic things your and your husband had done together.

Prayer

Father God, thank you for romance. Help me be intentional about creating romantic moments for my husband.