Day One - Who Am I?
Growing up, my parents manufactured furniture and our family spent lots of time on the road, attending furniture shows. One day, as we trekked to a show in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, I remember lying down nearly asleep in the third seat of our Suburban with a trailer full of furniture attached. I was jolted awake by the sound of squealing tires as our vehicle crashed into a stalled tractor trailer. My seat folded in half and our family’s luggage flew forward, toppling on top of me.
If you have ever been through a season where something painful transpired, most likely all of your emotional baggage from your past came flying forward. In that time, you’ve probably asked yourself the same question I have asked: “What is happening? Who am I? How did I get here? And who can I trust?” When things fall apart, whether it was a slow drip or a sudden jolt, there’s a sudden awareness of who you thought you were and who you’ve become. In that awareness, you might feel lost. Embarrassed. Alone. Ashamed. Dismantled. Heavy.
Your “car accident” could have come in the form of a breakup, a custody battle, a sibling rivalry, or an abrupt end to a friendship; or failing school, filing for divorce, getting fired from a job, losing a business, facing financial hardship, or a million other things. But after “it” happens, we’re left obsessing over what we could have done differently, and we wonder if our lives will ever be “normal” again. Will we ever feel okay again? If we do, will that feeling be meaningful and real, or will we be afraid that our joy and progress could be suddenly taken away again? We ask ourselves, “Will I ever be whole again after the debris settles?”
Here’s good news for the tired soul: Whole does not mean flawless or error-free. It means coming to an awareness and looking into how you see yourself. It’s accepting that we just can’t do life by ourselves. Childhood wounds, doubt, anxiety, generational curses, illnesses and betrayal. These things are far too heavy for us to carry and God wants to carry these very things for us.
Becoming whole is releasing what you can’t bear and asking God to now carry the load. Awareness is messy. But awareness leads to discovering your true worth, and God is not scared of that mess. So, if you are ready--which, you totally are--let’s start the healing process. Let’s look in together.
Lord, we come to you for protection over our thoughts and relief over our circumstances. Lord, we may feel tired but unsure how to tell you how we feel. We may all be in different places in our lives right now, but I do know you draw near when we invite you in. Lord, our hearts may be jaded or hurt. We may be angry or confused. We may not know how to talk to you. Will you gently nudge us? Lord, we know You aren’t scared of how we feel. I pray we all will experience your presence. And I pray your presence will overpower any fear or anger the enemy will attempt to bring out as we look in. Looking in takes bravery and courage, and Lord, I believe you will respond to our bravery and courage by speaking up and speaking loud as we begin to look into what our hearts are made of. I believe you will help us on our journey and help each person reading this understand that they are so worth loving. You are so good. And so loving. Thank you, Jesus, for your continual compassion. It’s in your heavenly name we pray. Amen.