The Corona Survival Guide for CouplesSample

How can I help?

“Booze sales are booming!” the internet headline reported.

“Did you see the report on porn use during the pandemic?” a friend texted.

Why do you think so many people, even Christian people, are turning to short-term pleasure during the coronavirus? Besides drunkenness and sexual immorality, many of us are tempted to cross moral lines with online spending, gambling, gaming, and eating. Why might you? Why might your significant other?

According to many experts, addicts are likely to relapse when they’re hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and/or bored (HALTB, as some describe it). I have a hunch that acronym applies to all of us as Christians.

And the coronavirus has created a uniquely tempting time. Many of us are angry about all the uncertainty in our lives. Social distancing has made us lonely while solving work/church/family problems through a buffering video feed that has left us tired. We have played more board games than ever, yet our brains are bored.

No wonder sin seems so appealing.

But this is one of the wonderful blessings of marriage. Right by our side, under our very roof, is a companion. A fellow human who (1) can totally relate and (2) cares about us deeply. As God originally put it, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18).

This is one of our greatest callings—to help the one we are with. 

Unlike God, our significant other is not all-powerful. They are weak, frail, and easily tempted. They feel the weight of situations they can’t control and the anxiety of problems they can’t solve. That is why they need so much help, both from God and from us.

So let me offer two encouragements today:

First, ask honest, specific, and safe questions of your significant other. “How are you doing today? Really?” “Lots of people are struggling with this and are turning to alcohol or food or porn. How has that been for you?” Whatever their answer, don’t get angry. (Angry people aren’t good helpers.) Remember that your spouse is a fellow human, perhaps even a fellow brother or sister in Christ, and they need your help. So offer to help. Ask them how their soul is holding up under all this pressure.

Second, offer to pray. You can’t snap your fingers and fix all their problems, but you can talk to the One who can. Tell them that you will pray specifically for their struggle. Write down their request and promise to pray over it during the upcoming day. Put it on a sticky note and stick it to the bathroom mirror so you both see it. Even better, offer to pray right then and there. Thank God for his mercy at the cross. Beg God for a spirit of self-control.

That will help. And this is what we are for one another—helpers.

Especially during a time like this.