Hi, I’m Nathan.
I have been prideful and egocentric while simultaneously being full of self-doubt and insecurity.
I have struggled with lust and looking at things I shouldn’t on screens.
I have used substances like alcohol and nicotine as an escape.
I have started fights, and I have let my anger get the better of me.
I have judged others while blindly ignoring my own faults.
I have lived my entire life with severe mental illness and learning disabilities.
I have considered suicide multiple times in my life.
I have yelled at God in anger, while completely ignoring all His direction, insight, and love.
These aren’t fun or easy things to admit, much less record so permanently. Given these realities about myself, Why should someone who is so flawed write about being good? That’s a question I often ask myself. But in quiet times, when I kneel before my Creator, I hear Him whisper, letting me know that it is only when I choose to acknowledge my brokenness to myself, others, and Him that I begin the process of becoming whole.
Not wanting to own up to our mistakes, failures, and faults is natural and something all of us deal with. In Romans 7:19, Paul writes that he keeps doing what he doesn’t want to do, and he can’t do what he wants to. Have you been there? Have you ever tried and tried to do the right thing only to fail over and over again? I have, and sometimes it seems like there’s no way out.
But there’s good news. We don’t have to hide, we don’t have to blame, we don’t have to downplay and be stuck in the real and heavy consequences of our mistakes.
Our Creator has graciously offered us an out, and to get it we must do this: own up.
We have to recognize, realize, and take responsibility for what we’ve done. We have to admit our shortcomings and give them to Him. In return, He gives us a new way forward—one that will bring healing to our past, wisdom to our present, and hope to our future.
Owning up is not something I can avoid on this journey. In fact, it might be one of the most important things I do, which could be the reason it’s so hard. Humbling ourselves allows God to begin His work in us. Yes, it’s painful, but ultimately, it’s the only way to ever be whole.
What are you tempted to do when confronted with the ways you’ve messed up?