Saving Your Second Marriage Before It StartsSample

Are You and Your Partner Soul Mates?

We’ll admit it. For much of our marriage, we have felt out of sync spiritually. Not that we don’t share the same values or maintain our individual walks with God. It was more that we didn’t understand each other’s way of relating to God. And that made it difficult to relate to God as a couple.

I (Leslie) am a contemplative, through and through. I like nothing more than to spend time each day alone with God. I like to rise early and spend time in God’s Word. It comes naturally. Nothing about this style, however, seemed natural to Les.

I (Les) tend to be more intellectual about my faith. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or my academic training (including seminary), but I feel closest to God when I am studying an insight new to me. I come alive in my relationship with God when I gain a new insight. The time I most often spend with God is while I’m reading a new book or in my study, lined with reference tools that help me in my spiritual pursuit. Not so for Leslie. She viewed my approach as too academic and emotionally removed.

So how do the two of us relate to God together? We each still lean into what brings us closer to God individually—but now we also value each other’s approach. In the past, we selfishly expected the other to conform to our own leanings. After all, that felt like the best way to relate to God. But now we value the other’s sacred path. This simple revelation was a breakthrough for our marriage.

In practical terms, how do each of you relate to God best and how can that help you cultivate spiritual intimacy together as a couple? And as you read this biblical passage from Psalms, consider how praising God together factors into your shared bond. What are examples of how you do this?

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