I’d been shaken too many times. One afternoon in my search for sanity, I sat across from a doctor and told her all that happened in the last seven years. From almost losing my first son at birth to when I felt I’d lost my identity as a stay-at-home mom, I confessed all the good in life didn’t seem good anymore. I needed someone stronger than myself to lead me out of depression.
My list of hardships may look different from yours, but its roots may be the same. Perhaps you’ve suffered from depression as well. From anxiety and loneliness, or maybe addiction. Fear. Sin. Perfectionism. These issues fight against our God-given desire for joy. Being shaken can feel as though a peaceful, loving, adventurous version of yourself is tucked deep inside, but doesn’t know how to emerge. She wants to love herself and others greatly, but can’t figure out how.
That day with my doctor, I told her, “I feel like I should be able to hold it all together. But I’m never enough.” Looking over her notes she smiled. “Why would you think that? I doubt anyone could be enough for all of this.”
I needed to hear those words. I realized if my strength isn’t sufficient for all this world brings, I need the wisdom and leadership of God.
I want Jesus to be my right hand, my left hand, my before, my after and everything in between. I want to know His ways, wisdom, and plans because they will be so good. I have to resign from my self-made post of control-freak and trust God to lead, even more so when life’s rough.
~ Andrea Chatelain