Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social MediaSample

SENDING MESSAGES TO FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX There’s always good cause for married folks to exercise caution in friendships with members of the opposite sex. At the same time, there are no hard-and-fast rules governing the extent to which it’s permissible to message or chat with opposite-sex friends via the Internet. Everything depends on who these friends are, the context of your communication with them, the background of your relationships with them, and your reasons and motives for wanting to stay in touch. Are they friends of the family? Co-workers? “Old flames?” For obvious reasons, it makes a huge difference. From a certain perspective, maintaining a healthy marriage while wisely managing relationships with members of the opposite sex is no different in cyberspace than it is in the “real” world—for example, at a party, at a high school reunion, or while out to dinner with other couples at a restaurant. Sometimes it’s just a matter of establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. On other occasions, it can be a fine art that requires wisdom, discernment, and maturity. In every circumstance, your love for your spouse and your commitment to your marriage should be your guiding principles. That love and that commitment represent the “bottom line” that determines all your thoughts, choices, and actions with reference to individuals of the opposite sex. That said, it’s important to add that there is a sense in which social media can complicate this whole scenario in some subtle and elusive ways. Things get trickier when the secrecy, privacy, and relative anonymity that sometimes characterize online relationships are allowed to cloud the picture. If you value your marriage and genuinely desire to protect it, you need to be on your guard against unforeseen threats. Never forget that some people have a tendency to slip into a different psychological “zone” when they log on to Facebook or Twitter. Without even realizing it, they can assume the attitude of another person living a “parallel life” in a “parallel world.” In this state of mind, it’s easy to forget normal inhibitions, disregard appropriate boundaries, and give in to tempting fantasies. Under these conditions, emotions can be deceptive. An “innocent” attraction can become the first step to a disastrous affair. Everything depends upon your ability to stay grounded and maintain a healthy sense of balance and perspective.