Infidelity: Road To Recover, Next StepsSample

TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT UNFAITHFUL SPOUSE Children, says Jesus, occupy a special place in the heart of God. Accordingly, to place a stumbling-block of any kind in the way of a child is a particularly egregious offense within the economy of His kingdom. This is just one of many reasons parents have to be extremely careful about the way they explain spousal infidelity to their children, especially when the affair results in marital separation or divorce. If you find yourself in this situation, ask the Lord to give you wisdom before you attempt to broach the subject with your kids. A great deal depends on their age, of course, but the fact remains that the confusion children experience as a result of such circumstances can have a devastating impact upon them for the rest of their lives. It’s important to be honest with your kids about what’s going on — as honest and as forthright as you can be in view of their respective ages and capacity to understand. If you try to hide the truth from them, you’ll only compound the problem. But you also need to approach the issue with great sensitivity and care. Using age-appropriate language, sit down with your children and tell them that Mommy and Daddy haven’t been getting along, and that Daddy has made some bad choices that are hurting the family. Resist the temptation to badmouth your spouse — you don’t want to alienate him even further from the kids. If they ask about the other woman, give them a straightforward answer and explain that it makes you very sad that their father has moved in with her. Most importantly, reassure them of your love and make it clear that you understand how painful this situation is for them. As you have opportunities, encourage your children to be open about their sadness and anger, but don’t permit them to engage in aggressive or destructive behavior. Writing and journaling are good emotional outlets for older kids. Younger children sometimes find it helpful to express their feelings by drawing pictures. For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s website, or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).