Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage


The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s, paints a superlative picture of a truly thriving marriage. It’s a marriage that majors in unrestrained celebration of life in its fullness — sensual pleasures, spiritual delights, and all of the beauties of God’s creation; a marriage in which the partners prioritize periodic times of shared refreshment and renewal; a marriage in which spouses regularly practice the art of extravagant verbal love-making. In short, it’s marriage as the Creator intended it to be.

This kind of marriage is the very best defense a couple can have against the threat of infidelity. Perhaps this sounds like a truism. If so, it’s one of the most neglected and overlooked truisms in the world. All too often we forget that the best way to ward off specific sicknesses is to cultivate robust general health. Spouses who are looking for ways to “affair-proof” their relationship would be wise to bear this principle in mind.

The key to the process is communication. Couples who can learn to be open, honest, and caring in the way they express their wants, needs, desires, and concerns to one another are the ones who have the best chance of going the distance in marriage. If marital longevity is your goal, you and your spouse should be as intentional as possible about building this kind of intimacy and trust. As you do so, remember that God is on your side, working within you “both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). He wants the best for you, and if you look to Him for guidance He won’t fail to show you what great things He has in store for you, your marriage, and your entire family.

It can also be helpful to seek the guidance and support of a larger community and to make yourself accountable to others who can hold you to a high standard of morality and marital commitment. Many churches offer support groups or adult Sunday school classes designed specifically to help couples build stronger marriages. It would be a good idea to get connected with a class or group of this nature and make it a regular part of your lives.
In addition, you might consider consulting with a trained marriage counselor or taking advantage of Focus’s online Couple Checkup.

This assessment tool is an in-depth set of questions that will bring out the areas where you shine as a couple, as well as help you target spots that could use a little improvement — whether you’re dating, engaged, newly married, or celebrating decades of life together. The assessment consists of between 110-130 questions, based on your particular life stage. It takes about thirty minutes to complete (both husband and wife need to participate), and when you’re finished you’ll receive a feedback report that identifies your strengths and growth areas as a couple, provides discussion starters and guidelines, and suggests recommended resources for further investment in your relationship. For the price of a nice dinner for two, you’ll receive a unique snapshot of your relationship and recommendations for ways to help your marriage thrive.