Anchorsaway Madison County
Lesson 21: What Are the Keys to Building Healthy Relationships?
2017|2018 Search for TRUTH
Locations & Times
Pendleton Heights High School
1 Arabian Dr, Pendleton, IN 46064, USA
Monday 10:41 AM
Lesson 21: What Are The Keys To Building Healthy Relationships?
Anchor of the Week: Healthy relationships have God in the center.
I. The Significance of Relationships:
A. God is a relational God.
B. We are created for relationships - with God and others.
C. Analogy of the cross (a visual reminder of our relationships):
a. Vertical beam - represents our relationship with God.
b. Horizontal beam - represents our relationships wit others.
II. The Two Greatest Commandments focus on this idea of relationships (Matthew 22:37-40)
III. A relationship with God should be our highest priority, shaping all of our other relationships in life: family, friendships, dating relationships, and marriage.
IV. Building healthy friendships
A. Your friendships will affect you - they will either build you up or drag you down.
1. You will become like your friends (Psalm 1:1; 1 Corinthians 15:33
B. Surround yourself with the right kind of friends - pursue relationships with the kinds of people who will build you up spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
1. How can you do that as a college student?
C. To find a friend, be a friend. In order to surround yourself with the right kind of people, you need to be the right kind of person.
D. Practice accountability by finding other Christians who can provide moral support, encouragement, and accountability for you at college.
E. The most important thing is to stay focused on who God wants us to be in our friendships with others.
F. What do healthy guy/girl relationships look like?
1. Understand the unique differences between men and women.
2. Respect for each other: Guys and girls should both be demonstrating godly character in their lives as they interact together.
3. Learn to be friends.
V. Keeping dating relationships healthy
A. Like friendships, in order to find the right person, you must be the right person. - What does this idea mean?
B. There is no hurry.
C. Guard the heart (Proverbs 4:23)
1. What does it mean to "guard the heart?" Dating brings with it a whole mix of feelings, emotions, and responses. We must tread carefully if we are to honor that other person before God.
a. How might a guy guard the girl's heart? And a girl...the guy's heart?
b. Pursue purity -"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity..." (Ephesians 5:3)
2. Plan ahead. How might you plan ahead in pursuing purity?
3. Set your boundaries before you are in the middle of temptation and hold firmly to them. Once you have crossed a physical boundary, it is much easier to do it again. It is nearly impossible to reestablish a boundary that has been crossed.
4. How far is too far? If there is a question or concern, always take the high road - you will never regret it.
D. Marriage
1. What are some issues that we need to be thinking about before we marry?
VI. Accountability is key!
A. Keys to becoming accountable to another person
1. Seek out other Christians who can provide moral support and encouragement and accountability for you at college or in the workplace.
2. You choose a friend who will stand with you in choosing to be righteous. Accountability begins with you.
3. Have one that will ask tough questions. Scripture repeatedly highlights this principle of the "Buddy System" (Luke 10:1; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Proverbs 27:17)
4. Letters of accountability
5. Be willing to be completely honest.
6. The first order of accountability is between you and God.
7. No one can rely on someone else to direct their spiritual activities.
8. An accountability partner, or coach, encourages you to continue on in the good choices you have made and to alert you when you start to stray.
9. You must make the effort to e in contact with your partner regularly.
Anchor of the Week: Healthy relationships have God in the center.
I. The Significance of Relationships:
A. God is a relational God.
B. We are created for relationships - with God and others.
C. Analogy of the cross (a visual reminder of our relationships):
a. Vertical beam - represents our relationship with God.
b. Horizontal beam - represents our relationships wit others.
II. The Two Greatest Commandments focus on this idea of relationships (Matthew 22:37-40)
III. A relationship with God should be our highest priority, shaping all of our other relationships in life: family, friendships, dating relationships, and marriage.
IV. Building healthy friendships
A. Your friendships will affect you - they will either build you up or drag you down.
1. You will become like your friends (Psalm 1:1; 1 Corinthians 15:33
B. Surround yourself with the right kind of friends - pursue relationships with the kinds of people who will build you up spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
1. How can you do that as a college student?
C. To find a friend, be a friend. In order to surround yourself with the right kind of people, you need to be the right kind of person.
D. Practice accountability by finding other Christians who can provide moral support, encouragement, and accountability for you at college.
E. The most important thing is to stay focused on who God wants us to be in our friendships with others.
F. What do healthy guy/girl relationships look like?
1. Understand the unique differences between men and women.
2. Respect for each other: Guys and girls should both be demonstrating godly character in their lives as they interact together.
3. Learn to be friends.
V. Keeping dating relationships healthy
A. Like friendships, in order to find the right person, you must be the right person. - What does this idea mean?
B. There is no hurry.
C. Guard the heart (Proverbs 4:23)
1. What does it mean to "guard the heart?" Dating brings with it a whole mix of feelings, emotions, and responses. We must tread carefully if we are to honor that other person before God.
a. How might a guy guard the girl's heart? And a girl...the guy's heart?
b. Pursue purity -"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity..." (Ephesians 5:3)
2. Plan ahead. How might you plan ahead in pursuing purity?
3. Set your boundaries before you are in the middle of temptation and hold firmly to them. Once you have crossed a physical boundary, it is much easier to do it again. It is nearly impossible to reestablish a boundary that has been crossed.
4. How far is too far? If there is a question or concern, always take the high road - you will never regret it.
D. Marriage
1. What are some issues that we need to be thinking about before we marry?
VI. Accountability is key!
A. Keys to becoming accountable to another person
1. Seek out other Christians who can provide moral support and encouragement and accountability for you at college or in the workplace.
2. You choose a friend who will stand with you in choosing to be righteous. Accountability begins with you.
3. Have one that will ask tough questions. Scripture repeatedly highlights this principle of the "Buddy System" (Luke 10:1; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Proverbs 27:17)
4. Letters of accountability
5. Be willing to be completely honest.
6. The first order of accountability is between you and God.
7. No one can rely on someone else to direct their spiritual activities.
8. An accountability partner, or coach, encourages you to continue on in the good choices you have made and to alert you when you start to stray.
9. You must make the effort to e in contact with your partner regularly.
CHOICES of GRACE:
We are often faced with tough choices. It would be nice if our choices got easier as we got older, but unfortunately, with maturity also comes responsibility. Think wisely about the choices you make when you sin against God, and the choices you will then have to make as the consequences of those sins.
Listen to what Dannah Gresh has to say about the consequences of sin:
"Let me first say there is no escaping the consequences of sin. Adam and Eve, because of their sin, were kicked out of the garden. Adam had to work hard to feed his family, and Eve would experience great pain in childbirth. Even the snake lost his legs. The consequences were tough.
King David truly sinned - he had sex with another man's wife (Bathsheba). Then, because he got her pregnant, he ended up killing her husband to hide his sin...
Yes, the consequences of sin can last a long time and be very painful, but does that mean that God no longer wanted David to be in a loving, lasting relationship with him?...When David was confronted, he repented, and Nathan immediately said, 'The Lord has taken away your sin'" (2 Samuel 12:13).
Repentance is not always easy. Sometimes we can feel like we do not deserve to come before God, believing that our sin is too great. But Psalm 103 says, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:8-12
Although we do not deserve God's grace, He showers it upon us, and He longs to have a personal, intimate relationship with us. God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, said something very significant related to the stories we have heard. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4). The Wycliffe Bible Commentary says the following about that verse, "Love should not be stirred up before its proper time, because the love relationship, unless carefully guarded, may cause grief instead of the great joy it should bring to the human heart."
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit" (Galatians 5:22-26).
We are often faced with tough choices. It would be nice if our choices got easier as we got older, but unfortunately, with maturity also comes responsibility. Think wisely about the choices you make when you sin against God, and the choices you will then have to make as the consequences of those sins.
Listen to what Dannah Gresh has to say about the consequences of sin:
"Let me first say there is no escaping the consequences of sin. Adam and Eve, because of their sin, were kicked out of the garden. Adam had to work hard to feed his family, and Eve would experience great pain in childbirth. Even the snake lost his legs. The consequences were tough.
King David truly sinned - he had sex with another man's wife (Bathsheba). Then, because he got her pregnant, he ended up killing her husband to hide his sin...
Yes, the consequences of sin can last a long time and be very painful, but does that mean that God no longer wanted David to be in a loving, lasting relationship with him?...When David was confronted, he repented, and Nathan immediately said, 'The Lord has taken away your sin'" (2 Samuel 12:13).
Repentance is not always easy. Sometimes we can feel like we do not deserve to come before God, believing that our sin is too great. But Psalm 103 says, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:8-12
Although we do not deserve God's grace, He showers it upon us, and He longs to have a personal, intimate relationship with us. God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, said something very significant related to the stories we have heard. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4). The Wycliffe Bible Commentary says the following about that verse, "Love should not be stirred up before its proper time, because the love relationship, unless carefully guarded, may cause grief instead of the great joy it should bring to the human heart."
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit" (Galatians 5:22-26).
RELATIONSHIPS
Whether God has called you to be single or in a relationship, the most important relationship you will have is with Jesus Christ.
- "One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills. Instead of equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes." - Joshua Harris
- "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (! Samuel 16:7).
- "A string of uncommitted dating relationships is not the gift! God gives us singleness - a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service-and we view it as a change to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we don't find the real beauty of singleness in pursuing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon/" Joshua Harris
- "There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
- "Many people realize too late that we do not arrive at contentment as a destination as much as we develop contentment as a state of mind...And in Philippians 4:11 he [Paul] writes, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Could you be content if God called you to be single?
- "The guy or girl you will one day marry doesn't need a girlfriend or boyfriend.... What that person needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage preparing to be a godly wife or husband." - Joshua Harris
- "Self-pity is a sinful response to feelings of loneliness. We don't sin when we feel lonely or admit a desire for companionship, but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuse to turn from God and exalt our own needs." Joshua Harris
- "For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" (1 John 3:20)
- "I feel very strongly that marriage is not a higher calling than the single state. happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in a right relationship with God." Gary Chapman (1 Corinthians 7)
-"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)
- "You can only see the outward man [or woman] from today's perspective. god sees men's [and women's] hearts from the perspective of eternity. With His perspective, He can see much better what you need."
- "Ponder this: Every unbelieving marriage partner arrived as an unbeliever on the first date. As trite as it may seem, every date is a potential mate. Avoid dating an unbeliever."
- Biblical masculinity is neither passive nor rudely aggressive. god calls us [men] to be servant initiators-firm, but gentle; masculine, yet caring; leaders, yet servants. We're called to be protectors, not seducers."
"God created lines of authority in order for his created world to function smoothly. Although there must be lines of authority, even in marriage, there should not be lines of superiority. God created men and women with unique and complementary characteristics. One sex is not better than the other. We must not let the issue of authority and submission become a wedge to destroy oneness in marriage. instead, w should use our unique gifts to strengthen our marriage and to glorify God." Joshua Harriss
Whether God has called you to be single or in a relationship, the most important relationship you will have is with Jesus Christ.
- "One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills. Instead of equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes." - Joshua Harris
- "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (! Samuel 16:7).
- "A string of uncommitted dating relationships is not the gift! God gives us singleness - a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service-and we view it as a change to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. But we don't find the real beauty of singleness in pursuing romance with as many different people as we want. We find the real beauty in using our freedom to serve God with abandon/" Joshua Harris
- "There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
- "Many people realize too late that we do not arrive at contentment as a destination as much as we develop contentment as a state of mind...And in Philippians 4:11 he [Paul] writes, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Could you be content if God called you to be single?
- "The guy or girl you will one day marry doesn't need a girlfriend or boyfriend.... What that person needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage preparing to be a godly wife or husband." - Joshua Harris
- "Self-pity is a sinful response to feelings of loneliness. We don't sin when we feel lonely or admit a desire for companionship, but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuse to turn from God and exalt our own needs." Joshua Harris
- "For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" (1 John 3:20)
- "I feel very strongly that marriage is not a higher calling than the single state. happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in a right relationship with God." Gary Chapman (1 Corinthians 7)
-"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)
- "You can only see the outward man [or woman] from today's perspective. god sees men's [and women's] hearts from the perspective of eternity. With His perspective, He can see much better what you need."
- "Ponder this: Every unbelieving marriage partner arrived as an unbeliever on the first date. As trite as it may seem, every date is a potential mate. Avoid dating an unbeliever."
- Biblical masculinity is neither passive nor rudely aggressive. god calls us [men] to be servant initiators-firm, but gentle; masculine, yet caring; leaders, yet servants. We're called to be protectors, not seducers."
"God created lines of authority in order for his created world to function smoothly. Although there must be lines of authority, even in marriage, there should not be lines of superiority. God created men and women with unique and complementary characteristics. One sex is not better than the other. We must not let the issue of authority and submission become a wedge to destroy oneness in marriage. instead, w should use our unique gifts to strengthen our marriage and to glorify God." Joshua Harriss