When Christmas Hurts

Written by: Anna J Ketchum

Take a moment to watch the short film by Wonderhunt, Here and Everywhere:

Christians are supposed to be happy, right? If God’s working all things for our good, how can we complain about anything? If we’re supposed to be filled with joy and peace, isn’t it wrong to get frustrated? If Christmas is all about Jesus, then what does it matter if the roast is overcooked? It shouldn’t be this hard… right?

Contrary to what we might expect, the Christian life isn’t about putting on a cheerful face. God doesn’t expect us to have a perfect outlook on life. More importantly, God doesn’t want us to ignore what’s wrong and pretend everything’s fine. God wants us to bring what’s wrong to light so we may experience his presence and healing.

The practice of naming what’s wrong and grieving it is called lament. God’s people are called to lament over what is broken, wherever they find it. This includes taking accountability when we’ve contributed to a problem, as well as being honest with God and others when we have been hurt ourselves. A problem can’t be fixed if it hasn’t been properly identified first, and we can’t find healing if our hurt hasn’t been validated. Recognizing the truth is always the first step on the road to wholeness.

There can be many things to lament during the holiday season, in our own lives, in our communities, and across the world. For some, it’s the first Christmas without a loved one. For others, it’s the first since you became estranged. Maybe church has become difficult, and you don’t feel like celebrating. Or maybe you’ve become extra aware of how some people won’t be able to afford gifts or even have anywhere to go on Christmas day.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, an American poet in the 1800s, felt this way during Christmas of 1863. He was still grieving the death of his wife two years earlier, and the Civil War was raging on. His son had run away to join the Union Army and had been severely wounded that November. Listening to the bells ring on Christmas morning, Longfellow wrote these lyrics:

And in despair I bowed my head; ‘There is no peace on earth," I said; "For hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, goodwill to men!"

Longfellow joined the long-held biblical tradition of prophets, saints, and kings who named the evil they saw and cried to God for relief. But, unlike the circumstances Longfellow was experiencing, you don’t have to be in the middle of a war to have something worth lamenting. After all, Jesus taught us to pray for our daily needs, and 1 Peter says this:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." (NIV)

In God’s eyes, having the right attitude isn’t simply about being cheerful - it’s about bringing all of your feelings to God and trusting him with them. So bring whatever you’ve got, regardless of if it’s anger, frustration, boredom, or grief. Jesus came so that the whole of our human experience could be redeemed by the power of his mercy and love.

Reflection: In our video, Here and Everywhere, Theo’s expectation is that he will be able to make it home in time to spend Christmas with his family. What opportunities might he have missed if he had refused to accept that his plans weren’t going to work out? Why is it important for us to stop, admit, and accept disappointment in our lives? What disappointments might you need to stop and grieve during this season?

Prayer: Read through this prayer, and either pray through it yourself or let it inspire your own words:

God, I know it wasn’t wrong for me to hope for good things. I’m frustrated that they didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. And I’m sad that now I have to deal with this reality instead, this place where I really didn’t want to be. Can you come and sit here with me, and let me know you’re listening? I want to embrace what you have planned instead, but I need some time to be sad. Help me to know that you care and to trust your intentions for me. Amen.