Find Hope in God's Unfailing LoveSample

Confront in Truth, Affirm in Love

“A word of encouragement does wonders!” Proverbs 12:25 (TLB)

A healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs: confronting in truth and affirming in love. If you only have one of these legs in your relationship, it isn’t going to stand. It will fall over when troubles come!

When you are having a speak-the-truth-in-love conversation with somebody, begin and end on a positive note, and affirm three things:

1. Affirm that you love and care for that person.
2. Affirm that you will pray for and help that person.
3. Affirm that you believe that person can change.

Paul did this in 1 and 2 Corinthians. In both books, he begins and ends with affirmation. For example: Paul begins his first letter by saying, “I always thank my God for you” (1 Corinthians 1:54 NIV), and at the end of the book he says, “My love to all of you in Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 16:24 NIV). Between those two statements, he’s dealing with some very tough truths.

When confronting someone in love, always use the word “and.” You should never use the word “but” in a confrontation. The moment you do, whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated: “I think you’re a great person, but . . .”

Instead, use the word “and.” “We’ve got a great relationship, and I believe there are some things we need to work on.” When you confront in love, the other person can know that your words—and the heart behind them—are out of your love for them.